Bet We Could Make Some MORE (History Huh?)

11. Little Yellow Pill (Henry)

Henry is so fed up with having to do everything. All week long, Alex had no opinion. He left every decision up to Henry, and it was driving him nuts that even now, when Alex was spending time in the wedding planning as Henry had done for months, he was still no help whatsoever. And then in the evenings he would stay up working and wake up tired everyday, again unwilling or unable to help with the wedding planning. And also, unwilling or unable to take an interest in Henry. 

They were still sharing a room leading up to the wedding, and still Alex had not touched him the whole time they've been in Texas. He'd tease during the day, but as soon as they were alone, Alex was working or collapsing from exhaustion. Henry was trying to be understanding; he knew Alex still had law work in New York that he was tending to and campaign stuff was still rolling, although the press about the wedding was surely helping that. But as much as he tried not to be, Henry was still fed up. Alex didn't seem to notice how stressed he is. 

Henry just wants Alex to be present here with him.

Tonight it's the rehearsal dinner. Henry can't stop tapping his fingers, and then shaking out his hands to try to stop it, only to go right back to tapping them. He can feel his pulse throughout his body and breathing feels strenuous. He reaches into his pocket for his small travel container of his anxiety meds and pops the small yellow pill dry just as Pez walks up. 

"Nervous?" Pez asks.

"I'm fine." Henry straightens his jacket.

"Oh Hen, maybe this wasn't the best–" Henry cuts him off before he can get started. 

"It's fine. I'm fine."

"You look far from fine." Pez gives him his look of concern. 

"It'll be fine. It's too late now anyways."

"It's not too late. We could–"

"What? Cancel? I'm not canceling my wedding. It's in three days! People are already flying in from around the world! You've invited every celebrity, every sponsor for your foundation, every member of the royal family– my grandmother for fucks sake is sitting just outside on that lawn at this very moment! Can't you see? Everything we are trying to do, every positive message we are trying to send will be reversed if I back out now. It would be so much worse than just having a private wedding in the first place! It would tell the world that we are scared, that being queer is something to hide, something to keep behind closed doors! And worst of all, it would make Alex doubt my love for him and I CAN'T LOSE HIM!" Henry is hyperventilating, trying to catch up after not breathing for so long. 

Pez steps closer, but, as always, is waiting for a sign from Henry to know if this is one of those times he wants to be touched or one of those times he doesn't. Pez knows him so well. He reaches a hand towards him and Henry nods. Knowing exactly what that means, Pez rushes to pull him into a tight hug. Henry wants to cry, but he can't cry. He has to go out and face his family and friends in the next five minutes. 

"Just breathe with me, H. In. Hold. Out. In, Hold, Out." As his breathing regulates, Pez takes a step back. "You won't lose him. That man wouldn't leave you now even if you told him to. He would fight til his last breath for you, you know that, H. And the rest of it– it doesn't matter what the world thinks. It's your life, Henry. You get to live it."

"But it does," Henry continues to breathe slowly. He can tell the pill is also helping. "It would hurt Alex's campaign. I can't do that to him. I agreed  to this. I can do this."

Pez eyes him skeptically, but says sincerely, "Yes, you can. I know you can, if that's what you want to do. You are so strong, H. You got this."

"Don't tell Alex."