𝐷𝐴𝑌𝐿𝐼𝐺𝐻𝑇 - 𝑇𝐻𝐼𝑅𝑇𝐸𝐸𝑁 𝑅𝐸𝐴𝑆𝑂𝑁𝑆 𝑊𝐻𝑌

16. ғᴜɴᴇʀᴀʟ

TW : mentions of self harm at the beginning of the chapter

The day that Mani was dreading finally came.

She sat between her mom's legs on the floor while the woman braided her hair. She gripped her favorite teddy bear in her hands as she blankly stared at the dress that was hanging on her door - ready for her to wear to Jeff's funeral.

Silent tears were rolling down her cheeks as her whole body shook. She didn't feel her mother pulling on her hair on accident, she didn't really feel anything.

„Okay." Jane said softly, kissing the top of Mani's head and standing up. „I'll leave you to get changed." the woman left shortly after, leaving Mani sitting on the floor, hugging the teddy bear, her face in her hands.

After a few seconds she clenched her fists and slowly got up, grabbing the dress and standing in front of the mirror. She slowly took her clothes off, leaving the underwater on.

Her dull eyes scanned her appearance - stopping at the fresh, red lines across her left forearm. The girl felt a slight pain in her chest as she stared at the cuts. She was torn between feeling bad for her body and the hatred for herself.

Mani knew that it should have been Jeff who survived the accident. He had a bright future ahead of him- his love for baseball and excellent grades were supposed to give him a place in some of the best universities in the country.

And Mani? She didn't know what she wanted to do. Her grades weren't the best, she didn't do any sport.

She didn't deserve to live after he died.

That was what the girl kept saying herself ever since the accident. She used the razor to ease the pain she was feeling mentally - and to punish herself for surviving. In her eyes, it should be her getting buried that day. Not Jeff.

„Mani!" her father's call snapped her back to reality as she tore her eyes away from her forearm. Quickly putting on the black, long-sleeved dress, she put on her heels and walked down the stairs, still clutching her toy. As she entered the kitchen, she was met with both her parents waiting for her. They both gave her watery smiles as Harris wrapped his arm around her shoulders as they walked to his car.

The ride to the church was quiet. Nobody said anything as the radio played quietly. Mani looked out the window, observing every house they passed. Everything seemed in slow motion, everything seemed lacking of colors.

Everything seemed worse without him.

When they finally pulled up to the church, lots of people were already there. Mani gulped as she took in the number of people, not really wanting to go through the sea of people and hear condolences. Her eyes fell on a group of boys who wore blue baseball shirts over their suits - the baseball team.

The minute she opened the car door, every person gathered looked her way. She froze as her parents waited for her to move, but she couldn't. Social anxiety was always a part of her life, but usually she would have Jeff by her side, to hold her hand and guide her through the crowd. But he wasn't there now.

Monty and Justin quickly walked towards her, rest of the jocks following. Mani wasn't friends with all of them. However, every boy on that team knew her - she was not only Jeff's sister, but also the girl who'd come to every one of their practices with cold drinks and snacks, offering them smiles and cheering whenever one of them did something right.

Mani locked eyes with Monty, who wrapped an arm around her the minute he approached her side. Justin took a place by her other side and she watched as the team silently formed a circle around the three, keeping everyone away from Mani, letting her walk inside calmly without having to talk to anyone. For that, she would be forever grateful.