I'm a kind who speaks a lot less than i think. hoarding so many words and world's for so long now I want to let down. maybe cause the end is near
or maybe i'm.
I have this weird feeling that everyone that is close to me while someday outgrow me. That there'll be one day they'll find someone much better. And not that I'll ever hate them for that but i can't help but feel my heart race at the thought of starving and thinning down to my bones. I'm scared of proximity. I vanish often But i have a deep entanglement with those around me. I doubt my ability to make them stay for longer than they agree to. I'm scared that one day I'll watch them talk about me as a memory and what makes it scarier is the scenario in which they don't even remember me
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I'm feeling my heart in my ears and throat and i can't help but do much more extra than I'm supposed to do. And it's not that i pretend to love you. I do. But this concept of being so mysterious ppl draw to put flowers on your cremation is something I've always fed. I am anxious now. What if this mystery end at last and I'll be left with nothing else than myself. And what if you figure me out and wont answer my cry for help. What that makes me now? Another time bomb? another betrayal of belief? Trial of sorts?
