I'm glad I met you

CHAPTER 19

Over the next month and a half Kal figures out how to talk to me without actually talking. To tell me he's awake he taps on his bedframe. He tugs on my arm if he wants cuddles. Cups my face if he wants a kiss. Squeezes my hand to tell me he loves me. Clicks his tongue to thank me for something. Lays his hand flat against mine if he wants me to talk to him or tell him a story. We have ways to communicate and I can understand him. His last words were, "Love you." Now he can't speak at all. I still love him regardless but I wish I could hear his voice again.

The doctors told me that soon his motor skills won't work and all he'll be able to do is lie there. I hate that he has to suffer. That so much has been taken from him and will continue to get taken from him. It's not fair. None of it is. If I could I would trade with him. At least he'd get to live.

I'm laying on the hospital bed thinking about all of this. Kal is asleep against my chest, arms wrapped around me. I'm rubbing his back. I've found that it helps him sleep better. He lets out a violent cough that I think ends up waking him.

"Kal? Do you need your water?"

I hear him knock on the bed frame and click his tongue. I hand him his water and patiently wait for him to hand the cup back to me. He does and clicks his tongue again in thanks and lays back down with a sigh. I set the cup back onto the table and lay down beside him again. He wraps his arms around me and snuggles close into my side. He takes one of my hands and rests his flat against it, our palms touching.

I intertwine our fingers and rest our hands on my stomach. "So the other day I slipped in the shower and I almost had a heart attack. Pretty sure I knocked over like five things. And then Saoirse played a prank on me by putting allll of her stuffed animals on my bed. You know how many she has. It was a surprise to find them all just collectively piled onto my bed."

He laughs and I smile. I continue to tell him stories until he falls asleep. After a while I carefully get up. I feel a hand on my wrist to keep me where I am. I take a hold of Kal's hand.

"I'm just going to the bathroom love. I'll be right back." He lets me go and I make my way to the bathroom.and
On the way back I stop by the front desk and ask for a nurse.

"Mr. De Cartett. How can I help you?" A woman asks from behind me.

I turn towards the sound of her voice. "How long does he have left?"

"Kaladin?"

"Yes."

She sighs. "..Two weeks at most."

My voice is shaky. "Is he in pain?"

"No. His pain receptors are destroyed. He can't feel anything."

I nod and feel her rest her hand on my shoulder. "We really appreciate you being here for him. You're presence makes all the difference."

I nod again. "Help me get some M&M's for him?"

"Of course."

We walk to a vending machine together and I hand her the money for it. I hear her put the money in and the beeps of the numbers and the thud when the candy falls.

I collect it and put it in my pocket. "Thank you."

"Of course." She hands me my change and I walk back to Kal's room.

"Kal?"

I hear the knocks and go over to the bed. "Guess what I got you." I pull out the pack of M&M's and hand them to him.

He clicks his tongue multiple times. I've come to find that means he's excited. I smile and sit down on the bed beside him. He hugs me and I hear him open the pack. He takes my hand and presses an M&M into my palm. He then cups my face and gives me a small kiss.

I eat the M&M and place a kiss on his forehead. "Thank you my love."

He pats my shoulder and resumes eating his candy. A few minutes later I feel him tug on my arm and I lay down next to him. He snuggles up against me and falls asleep. I rub his back and listen to the sound of his slightly labored breathing. At least he's still breathing...

I can't help but think about the time I have left with him. Only two weeks. Maybe not even that. Tears slide down my face. What am I going to do? I'm going to keep being strong for him while he's still here. That's a given. I don't know what I'm going to do after he's gone. Everything in me wants to believe that he's only sick for a little bit and he's going to get better. But that's stupid of me. I know he's not getting better and I know he's going to leave me. I'll never be able to feel his touch again or hear his voice again. I won't be able to rest in his arms or kiss his lips. He's going to die and I think I might die with him.

I feel Kal pat my chest and then bring his hand up to cup my face. He kisses me and wipes my tears away. He then presses his palm flat against mine.

I sniff. "I don't want to be in a world where you're not longer here. I don't want you to die."

He hugs me and gives my hand a small squeeze. I hug him back. "I love you too."