Fighting the Stars - A Jack Harries Fanficton

Chapter 20

All I’ve ever wanted was to be loved, to be accepted. I was thought to have it all. I spent the majority of my secondary school years posing for pictures that would show up in business magazines all across England. I was rich, pretty, popular, and perfect. I guess you could even say that I was the girl with everything. 

But that’s not who really I am.

I’m not the girl who’d had everything, but the girl who’d been attacked, assaulted, so helpless. It seems safer to hold all of that in, where the only one who can judge me is me. 

In all those pictures, all those tabloids, I looked happy. And maybe I was, knowing that the people behind the camera admired me. They’d tell me I had a smile that could warm the hearts of anyone who saw it. But any picture I had to take with my father, those smiles were different. They were forced, nervous even. I knew that if it didn’t turn out perfect I would pay for it later.

It’s unsettling to know that if you weren’t living up to the expectations you were given, you were worthless. And how do you tell a thirteen year-old girl she’s worth no more than a pile of rubbish without that haunting her for the rest of your life. I’ll tell you how: You don’t. 

But last night, on that roof with Jack, even though hardly any words were exchanged I felt happy. Not just content, not just satisfied, but actually, truly happy. But happiness is a strange thing. It’s something that I tend to recognize only when it’s passed, when I realize I miss it.

And now I find myself in James’s room, watching him shuffle through papers. Every time I say I won’t go back, that things will be different. Yet every time I find myself right back where I started. With James, it was a never ending circle.

I couldn’t escape him, now or ever. He’d always be there, consuming my every thought, my heart locked in his hands. I was drawn to him by forces I couldn’t control, let alone escape.

But that didn’t mean I couldn’t try and stand up for myself, even if I knew the consequences. Honesty in principle was one thing. In someone’s face, another.

“James,” I started, my voice soft.

“Huh?” he mumbled, focused on the papers in front of him. They were mostly made up of old bills from his family’s companies. 

“What,” I took a deep breath. “What happened to us?”

He paused for a moment, but didn’t take his eyes off the numbers printed on the paper. “What do you mean?”

“We’re not the same couple we used to be.” I said, picking at the bed sheets I was sitting on. 

“Things change,” he muttered.

“But why like this?” I asked. “We were so happy, so in love…”

He finally turned around to face me, his olive skin flushed. He had a small amount of stubble on his jaw line. “Aren’t we still?”

I sucked in a small breath and looked at him in disbelief. “No…we’re not.” I winced slightly when he got up from his desk and strode over towards me. But, to my surprise, he didn’t hit me. Instead, he plopped down on the bed next to me, causing the mattress to bounce.

“And why’s that?” he asked me. I was appalled by the fact that he was either ignoring the elephant in the room or wasn’t even aware that there was one.

I rolled up the sleeves of my shirt, showing him the scars that he has given me. “This,” I said. “What did I do to deserve this? I know I’m not perfect but - “

“You deserve everything you get.” he said. And finally, for the first time in my life, I didn’t believe him.

“I don’t deserve to be treated this way. To be tossed around like a piece of meat, no one deserves that.” I said, my voice shaking. “I know that I am no longer the perfect girl you thought I was, but if you really love me none of that should matter.”