You Can't Have It All

Chapter 7

I closed my eyes and open it again, before I knew it, more than three months had passed since I started working at Crystal Holdings. I had become close friends with Florence, Gloria and Yong and sometimes Victoria, especially if Stella or Mariana wasn’t around. If they’re around, Victoria wouldn’t hang around me. Things between me, Stella and Mariana didn’t improve too; if it wasn’t getting even worse. They found out that I was the Senior Receptionist, and they somehow held me responsible for getting that title. It’s not like I asked to be Senior Receptionist, the job was given to me by Ms. Beatrice, but they showed the grudge on me and not on her.

            I kept a silent war with them, instead of shooting and bombing, but they never thought a silent war could work. They’d almost all the time lash out at me when I give them orders, until I stopped talking to them altogether. I’d rather ask the help of Florence or Victoria if I needed any help.

            I was seeing more and more of Mr. Sean, and I thought he didn’t look as arrogant as the first time. There was once that I was sending memo upstairs and I met him in the elevator, and he nodded his head and smiled at me, making me realize he’s not really a bad guy after all. I heard from Florence that he has a girlfriend for quite a long time now and he’s not married to her because his parents do not agree to their relationship. Apparently his girlfriend is from Indonesia and he met her in college where they started dating. When he brought her to see his parents, they disagreed due to the difference of cultures. I also learnt that he is only four years older than me.

            I felt pity for him, as he couldn’t be together with the person he loves. It was a sad love story, but it is his love story, not mine, so I shouldn’t bother about it. But I can’t stop myself from thinking about him, and what it would be like to be someone he cares about. It’s not that I was in love with him or anything, but he possesses the kind of charisma and self-confidence that I look up to in a man.

            “Hi,” I shook my head to look at the person behind me, and my heart almost skipped a beat to see Mr. Sean smiling at me. I was in the elevator to go up to the tenth floor as Ms. Beatrice called me up, and I didn’t realize that Mr. Sean was in the elevator as my mind had drifted off far away.

            “Hello,” I said, nodding my head slightly.

            “I think you dropped your paper,” he said, pointing to the floor, as I looked quickly at where he was pointing. Sure enough, one of the memos that I was holding had fell to the floor without my knowing. I smiled embarrassedly at him, and tried to bend down to pick the paper, but I was holding a thick stack of papers, so the task was difficult especially with me wearing a knee-length skirt and heels, and before I knew it all the papers flew from my hand to fall on the ground. I groaned in embarrassment, why did it have to happen in front of him?

            “Wait, let me help you,” Mr. Sean said, as he crouched down and helped me to pick up all the papers, just as the elevator opened at the tenth floor. There were two people who were waiting to get in the elevator who looked at us weirdly as we stood up. I took the papers from Mr. Sean, and muttered thanks fervently.

            I quickly rushed to the Human Resource office, without a second glance back. Why did I have to be so clumsy in front of him? I thought disappointedly to myself. He’d surely think I was a loser or something – or worse, he might think that I became nervous because of him. What to do? I thought to myself. Its okay, Mandy, just calm down – stop over-reacting to a guy.

            I knocked on Ms. Beatrice’s door as she called me in. After passing the memos to her, she asked me to wait while she talked on the phone. I stood in front of her, rocking back and forth on the soles of my feet. I wondered what she wanted to talk to me about. I hoped it was about changing my department, as I hated to work with Stella and Mariana down there, but I know very well my dreams won’t come true.