You Can't Have It All

Chapter 18

            “Ms. Auburn, your examinations will be starting at the end of this month,” Ms. Beatrice said, as she called me on the phone. It has been almost two weeks since the flour incident, and I haven’t been talking to Mr. Sean at all, other than work matters at work. At home, we were practically strangers. His parents were on a vacation, so we needn’t visit them too, so I was thankful as I didn’t have to behave like Mr. Sean and I always argued when we barely talked to each other. On the Wednesday after that day, I met my friends, and got to forget about Mr. Sean for a while.

            “Oh, thank you, Ms. Beatrice,” I said. I had applied for the East Asia Crystal Expanding Team or in short term, EASY, and Ms. Beatrice called to tell me that she had received my application form.

            “I hope you do well,” she said.

            “Thank you, Ms. Beatrice,” I replied, fingering the telephone wire, “I hope so too.”

            “If you pass the examinations and the interview, there’s no turning back after that,” Ms. Beatrice said, “You’ll be undergoing extensive one year training and before long, you’ll be finding yourself halfway to Korea.”

            “I’m pretty sure I want to do this,” I told her as she agreed and hung up the phone. I sighed as I imagined my life going to another country and probably starting a new life. If I divorced from Mr. Sean, maybe I might be able to find a Korean boyfriend. I snickered to myself, what a vivid imagination, Mandy. I recalled giving the application form to Mr. Sean to acknowledge and he rounded his eyes in disbelief.

            “You really want to go to Korea?” he asked, as he saw the country of my choice.

            “If I am picked, I really want to expand this business to Korea,” I said with gusto.

            “I thought you were just joking when you said you wanted to apply,” he said.

            “I really meant it, sir,” I said.

            “But you’ll be leaving your family behind,” he said, “Is that okay with you?”

            “I’m leaving my family for a great experience,” I said, “Maybe one day when I’m rich in Korea; I’ll deport all my family there.”

            “What about me?” he asked, as I looked at him questioningly, “You’ll be leaving me without a capable assistant.”

            “Oh, that,” I said, smiling half-heartedly, “Good assistants can be found anywhere. You’ll just have to make do with it.”

            “Looks like it too,” he said, as I nodded my head.

            “Besides,” I said, “With me out of the picture, you’ll have an easier time to talk to your father to accept Ms. Sri. I hope by then we’ve already divorced, or else you can go ahead and marry her. I will say nothing about it.”

            He looked at me, as if searching my eyes for sincerity. As I sat in front of my PC two weeks since that day, I wondered if I really meant what I told to Mr. Sean. Of course I meant everything that I said. Although I am still quite confused by what I felt for him, I’m pretty sure I don’t want to do anything to make him hate me. I enjoyed talking to him, and I enjoyed him teasing me but I know if he has to choose between me and Sri, he’d definitely choose her. Who am I to hang on to someone who doesn’t want me? Just then my phone rang; it was Mr. Sean.

            “Hello, sir,” I answered.

            “Mandy, I’ll be running late with my meeting here,” he said, “Do you think you can find a way back home?”