Seven Letter Words #Wattys2016

Part 26

Juliet

Did looking at his strong profile have to make my stomach quiver with anticipation? I let my gaze fall down to his hand as he typed out a text message and watched as the corded muscles of his forearm flexed with the movement. He was something else. I'd found other men to be attractive before, but never had I wondered what it might feel like if I'd let him used those hands anywhere he wanted. Maybe because I'd been raised to be independent and not take any direction from men, but Liam didn't seem to apply to those rules. My lusty brain wanted him to take control and I was dying to see where those hard working hands would find themselves.

Something told me things would be different with him. My only relationship had been with Garrett, and I knew I was timid and meek when it came to my sexuality. That's part of the reason finding him in his truck with another girl had hurt so bad. She was confident and willing to take risks to get what she wanted. I always just thought I was different. I didn't really connect when my friends would talk about how good it felt or how exciting it was to explore new things. I had sex because that's what came next. It was like a checklist to getting closer to your boyfriend. If I didn't have sex with him, some other girl would. I laughed a little to myself and shook my head. I'd been stupid to think he'd take what I'd given him as enough.

If I'm being honest, I was hurt because I was embarrassed too. If I had been enough—good enough, pretty enough, willing enough—maybe he wouldn't have cheated. My friends assured me it was just a teenage boy thing and I should probably forgive him because he couldn't help it. I might have been hurt, but I wasn't stupid. There were a whole lot of choices between him not being satisfied with me and him having sex with someone else. I closed my eyes and rested my head back against the seat.

I remembered driving in Ken's truck with him one night on the way to a party. He wanted to hook up with Kayla, one of the prettiest girls in his class. I teased him for putting so much work into it at the time. He'd given her flowers and even left her a card in her locker. The guys on the football team were giving him shit about it. He was so popular girls were practically falling at his feet trying to get his attention. I'd asked him why he was stuck on her. He'd told me, "There are girls you screw, and there are girls you marry. You don't want to mix the two up. Girls that you marry are worth the effort. Don't get me wrong, I still want to have sex with her, but I want to know I'm the only one. A girl that has respect for herself will make a guy prove he isn't just in it for the quick screw."

I had laughed and teased, "What happens after she lets you in? What if once was enough? You just gonna leave her and move onto the next?" My brother took full advantage of his popular status. I didn't judge him for it and at times I was jealous that he had the freedom and confidence to go out and do a little exploring.

"Listen Jules, I'm gonna teach you something about guys you need to know. We are simple creatures. We are biologically programmed to spread the love." I had rolled my eyes and he'd reached over and flicked my forehead. "I'm not finished. We get excited about looking at and touching new things. But we can't do that forever. Sex with a girl you love is different. The randoms are hot because they find you hot, but that's good for one or two quick hook-ups. The ones that you fall in love with never get boring. It's not always dirty talk and roaming hands. You laugh together; you know each other. You know she's insecure about her hips, but for the life of you you can't see why. With her you leave the lights off so she won't hide. You know she likes you on top so she can see your face, or that she likes a few days of stubble on your jaw so it can feel rough against her soft skin."

I remember looking at my brother like it was the first time I'd seen him. I had no idea he thought about all of that. I understood why he'd want that someone. I nodded my head and he gave me a tight nod back. "Don't be someone's random, Jules. Be the one he wants to be better for." His words had sunk in. I remember we'd been quiet for the rest of the ride over to the large field where the party was. When he parked along the dirt service road, I turned to him and said, "I hope she chooses you."