Clexa AU °Safe Haven° [#Wattys2016]

Chapter 10: Running into the fire

Lexa's POV

"Alright guys, time to go to sleep," Lincoln stands up when the fire in the middle burns out. Half of the people here are nearly asleep, Monty still somehow handeling playing. But now, when the fire is gone and darkness is surrounding us, it's like even he suddenly fell asleep. I feel slightly dizzy; when Clarke and I finished our song, everyone started shouting. "We have to remember this moment! Who doesn't drink now will have bad luck!"

So I drank. And I've been drinking with them ever since. I know I really shouldn't but with the level of alcohol in my blood increasing, I kinda stopped caring. I don't remember the last time I was really happy, I have to enjoy the feeling before it disappears again.

Everyone is already up and going to their tents, only I am not moving. I probably should.
"C'mon, Lexa," I hear Clarke's voice from above me, her hand taking mine and pulling me up. We almost fall into the ashes when I jump up like a rocket, causing another great explosion of laughter. Everything is so funny.

We take our ways to our tent too. Everything is floating around me, my legs are difficult to control and the only thing that's keeping me up is Clarke's arm around my waist. I can say that if I weren't here too, we will both be on the ground.
Clarke suddenly stops in our tracks. When I look at her with confused look, she puts her pointing finger to her lips. "Shh, listen."

Nothing. "What?" I whisper, frowning my eyebrows. She closes her eyes, her finger still on the same place. I prick up my ears, hearing only people preparing to sleep in their tents. The touch of her hand on my waist is now really distracting me. Suddenly the connection feels like a burning spot on my body, every cell that she's touching craving for chill.
"Water," she mutters. There's no time for my reaction; before I can even register anything else, her hand grabs mine, jerking my numb body to the direction of the woods. I gasp for air, totally not expecting that move; the only thing that keeps me aware of myself is her hand.

"Where a-are you going?" I stutter, her laughter filling my ears. I can't believe this is the grumpy cat I saw when I first met her. I don't understand what changed her mind. I don't think I ever will understand her in anything, I'm hoping I will get to know her better though.
"There must be a river or something!" She almost runs to a tree when turning her head to face me, "you're too slow, come on!"
She pulls my hand forward again and I can hardly stay on my feet. Just get it over with, Clarke!

She suddenly stops in her tracks, causing me to bump right into her. "Lexa!" She shouts as our bodies, clenched together, fall down the muddy  ditch. I feel the humid earth digging into my pants, the upper part of my body lying on Clarke's.

When we finally stop sliding down, I raise my fragile torso and sit next to Clarke, helping her to do the same. When she's sitting too, we both stay silent. But then I see her hair full of mud, messy all over her face, her eyes wandering around the woods that are surrounding us.

"Great we didn't hit any of the trees, huh?" She looks at me, still kinda serious. I can't hold myself, my throat is itching from the urge to burst out; so I let it.
Clarke's laughter accompanies me as soon as my own sounds through the landscape. It's so light yet strong, like a melody to my ears. When I laugh, I sound like a sealion.

"You have something in your hair though," I say through my teeth, grinning like a small child that just got a whole bunch of candy.
She confusedly squints up with her mouth open, trying to see her own hair. She looks so cute.

"Let me," I say with kindness, the softest voice I could let out of my mouth right now. I put the hair she has in her face behind her ears, making her look slightly cleaner.
The smile she gives me is confused but heart-warming, moonlight shining in the reflection of her blue eyes.

Only then I realize we are sitting on the edge of a small stream, smell of conifers nicely clearing up the night air. "See?" Clarke says, looking at the stream, "I told you. Water."
I smile at the sound of the clear liquid rushing down the hills, not resting while every person sleeps. I wonder why water doesn't sleep..

"Because it's not alive."
Shit, I guess I said it out loud. "That's a good point," I say, lowering the tone of my voice, "but many people are not alive either."
Clarke turns to face me, her worried look shooting me right in the heart. "What do you mean?"

I breathe in, leaning my elbows to my knees and freezing my stare at Clarke's right leg. "You know.. When you're depressed," I say, almost whispering, "people think you are just sad. But that's not true."

"What is the truth then?"
For a while, I'm not sure I should be talking about this to her. I shouldn't be talking about this to anyone. "You don't feel sad. You don't feel lonely. You don't feel at all. It's like your heart stopped beating in the very moment the time began. You just wish if only it would be true and you were really dead."

Small moment of thoughts passes by, Clarke's face full of concern. But the thing I appreciate the most is the way she looks at me; she tries to understand.
"But I still don't get it," she says, frustration starting to take over her voice, "why do you feel that way? There are tons of ways to deal with pain. There are other people who could help you."
"You're wrong," I stop her, turning my gaze to her eyes, "I have no one. There's not a soul that can help me. No one cares about me. Everyone that did died," I look at the ground, tears filling up my eyes,"they died because they cared so much. I'm the reason."

"That can't be possibly true. It isn't," she sits closer, laying her palm on my shoulder, "you can't blame yourself for something you didn't cause."
"I did-"
"No, Lexa," she moves her hand to raise my head back up and looks me deeply in the eyes, "you didn't."

I blink away the tears, staring at the face of a girl I barely know. Who would've guessed that I will be sitting in a mud with a beautiful girl at 2AM, drunk and crying. Guess the universe is really unpredictable.

"Perhaps I didn't," I whisper, too afraid to push my voice into cracking, "I still can't risk it. I can't let anyone to care about me ever again."
Clarke's lips curve into a sad smile. "Too late for that."

My mouth slightly opens and my eyes widen, the small shock causing me to lose control of my facial expressions. I quickly look away, my sight falling to the water again. I focus on the quiet calming sound of it slowly streaming below us to distract myself from what the blonde next to me just said. She cares. She's in danger.

Peaceful sounds of our own shallow breaths breaks the crack of someone treading on a branch. We both turn to see who did it but there's just a darkness.
"I guess it's time to go to sleep," I say, wiping away the last tears of mine, "c'mon."

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I know, kinda short chapter.. But guys, it's 1AM and I'm getting up at 5! Again, I'm letting wattpad take over my life haha (I don't really mind). But it was today or Thursday so you know, I'm a good soul and I wanted to make some of you happy.

As usual, tell me your thoughts in the comment section and don't forget to vote if you liked the chapter!

PS. The new sneak peek of Bitanic.. My heart!