Clexa AU °Safe Haven° [#Wattys2016]

Chapter 25: Letter

Window. A bright square of light. It is supposed to connect the people in the building with the outer world. Or some shit like that. People also say that eyes are the windows to the soul. I see the reason why they created the analogy. It takes time to trust someone enough to look them in the eyes. Why? They might be afraid to show the fragments of their soul. Although I disagree with the idea that you can see a piece of someone through a staring contest, there's some magic to it.

Why am I bragging about a window? I don't really know, I just miss you so much. I'm remembering every time I opened my eyes in the morning to see you standing above me, the window in our bedroom framing your beautiful silhouette. Or the time I could look into your green eyes and completely lose myself until every time you blinked. And then again. Lying in our bed, staring into nothing, I've decided to write you this letter. So now I am sitting in your favourite armchair, writing with your pen on a paper that I took from our printer. However, the book that supports the paper is mine! Oh god, come back already.

I've just been stricken by nostalgia. The feeling of the time when we were getting to know each other. I can't describe it. I wonder if you feel the same about it - I mean, is this part of human mind even being explored? And do you ever wonder about it? Of course you do, this is Lexa I am talking to. 

Raven has come by a few times. She says hello, but also to kick your ass for not calling her. I wish I could kick your ass though, at least you would have been in reach. Bastard. Why did you have to be so smart to get to the National Geographic? I hope the sea world treats you kindly. Just call me when you have signal.
Rave is also helping me to look after Titus. The cat has been hating me openly since you've been gone. I tried to give him food today and he scratched my neck. You bet there's gonna be a scar (perhaps a kiss would help it.. BUT A GREAT ONE).

Other thing I can't stop thinking about is the last sex we had before you left. You know, the one on the couch, the floor, in the bathroom.. Although my vagina still hurts, it is so good to live alone with you. Perhaps it's the only amazing thing about adulthood. Like the other day, when we got this apartment and moved in. We were soaked from the storm outside, even though we just ran from the car to the front door, and there was nothing but a mess and a mattress on the floor, but who the fuck cared, it was only the two of us. We had sex until the room was pitch black and then fell asleep underneath two blankets that we found blind, only to find out in the morning that one of it was a dirty towel.
That night, while there was still a dim light in our apartment and everything took blue colour, that was it. It was one of those moments people write books about. I remember you whispering "I will never stop loving you, Clarke," with your expression so - so sincere. I took a strand of your almost dry hair and put it behind your ear. You shrugged it back of course, because you hated it there and wanted it around your face. Then I reached for you and rubbed your hair to tangle it and you got a little bit angry, so we ended up in a childish fight over each other, pulling hair, biting.. the cruelty had no ending. And it was so fun. Somewhere in between I also said I will love you for the rest of my life, by the way. I hope you remember it.

That might be my favourite memory. But its great competent is the first one. You appeared in my life so unexpectedly and you were so beautiful. I remember that I didn't want you in my life at first.. God, that was so stupid. I'm so glad I accepted you and then fell in love with you (like you didn't know already after me pouring my heart out).

So, those are my last words. Thank you so much for being mine, Lexa. I'm looking forward to you, two months is a really long time. Two weeks to go. Say hi to squids from me.

Love you,
Clarke

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Well, that's the end. Thanks to those of you who remained waiting for two years, I hope there is someone. Even if not, I'm glad I ended up writing this, it was a strong feeling of nostalgia for me as well. I'm still not over clexa btw.

I even used some memories of mine, so it is not completely fictive. Update on my life is that I still have the same girlfriend (still fianceé - lol we don't wanna rush it) and it overall looks kinda great. And what about you, what has been up lately? I  miss talking to the internet, I had few friends before thanks to this fanfic and it's a shame that it didn't last. 

Anyway, those who read this, tell me your opinion in the comments. And play the song! It's not really the vibe of this chapter but I love it and the lyrics correspond with the letter.

Thanks!! Have a nice life.