The Secret Life Of The American Teenager [SEASON 6] Together Forever

Episode 36: fading away

~ April 1, 2014 ~

"Dear diary,
It's been a little while since i wrote. I just needed my time to accept my feelings and to not write them down. Now i realize, that it was a stupid idea. I should always write my feelings down. Doesn't matter if it's bad or good! I just need to write them down, to prevent myself from falling apart. I'm almost eight months pregnant. This Preeclampsia thing is getting me on my nerves. I'm very scared what might happen. Because i've been under a lot of stress lately. And stress isn't exactly a good thing for this condition. I'm still living at my parents old house. My mom kinda has two houses now. I feel so sorry for her but she always tells me to stop thinking that. She wants to help me and be there for me but i can't help to feel sorry. Because of me and this condition she had to give up a lot of things in her life! She had to give up her house in Palm Springs because paying rent for two houses is just too much, she had to give up the privilege of being around Mimzy everyday. And she had to make the hard decision to let Robie live with David for a while.
She decided to be here with me until i finally give birth to my daughter. She's a very good mother! I don't think i would have ever realized she is that good as a mother if i haven't gotten pregnant. I hope to become such a good mom like my mother is!
Ashley lives here too but she's planning to move out and move in with her Italian boyfriend she met in Italy. He must be a good boyfriend, since he decided to live here in our country and leave everything behind just for my sister. His name is Angelo or something? But the most important thing is that my sister is finally happy. I think? She did change since she broke up with Toby. She changed for the better. My dad doesn't agree with her though. He thinks she's too young, and i quote "You are too young, young lady." Oh, my dad... He can be so.... So... I don't even know how to say it?  I think my dad needs to realize that his little Ashley is 17 already. I think he's just afraid she might land into my footsteps? But she won't!
And then there's Ricky...
I don't even know how to start this without feeling confused about our situation?!

A couple of days ago he asked me to be with him again. This question really shocked me since i didn't even know we were in this thing together? I felt so confused and i still do. But when he asked me to be together again i didn't respond. I just sat there and felt frozen. I couldn't move, couldn't breathe, i clearly couldn't speak and i just couldn't think clear enough to give him an honest answer.
Like a fool i ran away. I couldn't even handle the question because... Because everything that went wrong with us collapsed down on me. All the drama we both went through came pouring down on me.
I just took off because i thought it would feel better if i did. But it didn't! I feel ashamed of what i've done. Because he seemed so sure about his question. But i ran away. He deserves my answer, and i know that!
I just haven't seen him since that day. Which is understandable.
My mom told me to go to his place and talk it through, but i can't.
I just feel like i can't."

Amy closed her diary and stared at the empty, hollow walls. In a heartbeat she laid down on her bed, just to relax. But she couldn't! She was thinking about the situation and how it progressed into this thing. She tried to think everything through. As she was looking at the ceiling, she felt overwhelmed by so many different things. The day she got pregnant was the day she thought something beautiful between her and Ricky was about to happen. A shot at being together again. Ever since she got pregnant she felt the need of being around him or even 'being' with him. Ever since Ricky started seeing Clementine she felt so angry, betrayed and jealous. Not jealous of Clementine but jealous of the relationship they shared. She was so desperate to make Ricky see what he had done to her. What pain he caused her. Running away to New York, ignoring him, fighting with him and looking right through him were one of those things to make him realize the truth. But now that he knows all of that. Now that he finally apologized about his actions, that he said he was sorry for everything he got her through. Every little piece of her thoughts were not as clear anymore. Every sparkle of love collapsed down on her. Now that he knows the truth and that he wants to be with her makes her realize how real this is. How real life can be!
Does she really love him? Does she wants to be with him or is this just some kind of a phase, something that soon will fade away?

"Amy?"
From a short distance she could hear her name being called, a blurry tone of her mother's voice. She blinked her eyes as a tear slowly made its way down on her cheek. While her hand was resting down on her belly, she felt that something terrible was going on. Amy looked down at the bed she was laying in and noticed a puddle of blood around her. She could feel a movement inside her belly, followed by a sharp pain down her spine, the most painful feeling ever, made her screech.

"Amy?!" A worried tone in her mother's voice was the last thing she heard before everything went black.

~

Never thought that I'd be leaving you today.
So alone and wondering why I feel this way.
So wide the world,
Can love remember how to get me home to you?
Someday.
So many fears were swimming around and around in my mind.
Who would have dreamed the secrets we would find?
We'll be together again.
All just a dream in the end.

- Together again by
Evanescence