Handle With Clare

Chapter 2: Even running is a reminder

Look for the <> for when to listen to the song!!
Love ya!
Darla h

The jackhammer in my head was the first thing that I was aware of the next day. I pushed against my head, hoping that it would fade into nothing but this was a wishful thought and after a minute it seemed like the jackhammer would not fully relent. With a frown, I looked at the time and saw that it was seven in the morning. It was a little too early for anyone else to be up on summer break holiday. Frustration consumed me as I wondered why I couldn't sleep in like my sister. Just another thing that was wrong with me. I was a teen that couldn't sleep past 8:30.

With study hands, I slowly climbed down from my bunk, careful not to wake Farrah, who slept in the bunk below. Even with her own room, she slept in the empty bed below mine most nights. She used to not do this, but a lot changed after I got cancer and now, she stayed there to monitor me. She never stated this but we both knew it. Regardless of the facts, I let her, since liked her here with me.

Farrah slept peacefully in the bed, her light summer covers laid half on her and half off. Her medium-length dark blonde hair was a mess, some of it covering her face, but that didn't seem to bother her as she tossed in her sleep.

Habitually, I looked at my short blonde hair that didn't touch my shoulders with regret. It was such a long time since I had the length of hair she had. I missed it. I didn't linger on this thought for long, knowing that there was a list of things that I missed from my old life. Instead, I grabbed a change of clothes, then went into the bathroom.

As I changed into a running outfit, I looked at myself in the bathroom's mirror. My skin and pale blonde hair were almost the same color, not suiting the summer weather. My fingers traced the shadows of my collar bones that were way too prominent for my body. I was too bony. Too sickly. Too sad. Unable to stare at myself any longer, I turned away from my reflection.

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My toes were the only things that touched the carpeted stairs as I made my way to the front door, ready to break free for a moment and take in the sunny morning. A smile etched across my face as I put on my shoes. I was seizing the day, escaping while I could when no one could see me. They didn't any me to run; it wasn't good for my health, or so I was told. But I didn't want to listen. I wanted to be the boss of my body because it was mine. No one should tell me how to live.

As I opened the front door, I heard my dad's voice ring out from the top of the stairs. "Where are you going?"

I looked at him, then at the door with a frown. I was so close but yet one word from him would crush my early summer dreams. I wrapped my fingers around the brass handle as if it would cement the fact that I would go out. "Just going for a walk," I lied confidently.

He sighed and rubbed the sleep from his eyes, hinting that he just woke. Maybe, if I was lucky, in his sleepiness he would let me go. "At least take someone with you."

Never. Anyone in the house would stop me before I would run down the driveway. I wanted this to be for me, only me. To reassure him, I gave him a smile. "I won't be long."

He sighed with a yawn, too tired to think about it. "Ok. Just come back soon."

I nodded, holding back a smile as I walked out the door to the outside. The air smelt so fresh as I took a deep breath of it. Bird songs filled the air as if they were presenting a grand performance. The early summer season reminded me that it was still chilly in the mornings, but I didn't mind. In the early morning, it was so peaceful, nothing was around to shut me down. I like this.

Without hesitation, I started a light jog down the road we lived on. I hadn't gone out running in months and I didn't realize how much I missed it until now. Soon I was going at a fast pace. My feet hit the pavement with force as I tried to keep an even pace. It wasn't long though until my vision blurred on the sides, causing me to stumble to a stop, barely able to catch my breath. My butt landed on the wet grass beside the road as I felt light-headed. I put my head between my knees as I took deep breaths as I tried to get myself to feel better.