Human Spines

Friends-V

Dumaine

        Not cool. Emmeline can run way faster than she should be able to with such short legs. No, even if her legs were six inches longer she still wouldn't be able to run that fast. She probably doesn't even realize how unnatural it is.

        I grab my things... well, thing, and head out the door to find her. It's only been a minute or so and I expect to at least be able to see her, but she's gone. For ten minutes I wander every which way, but not straying too far from the Waffle House. My sense of direction isn't the best.

        A slight panic is pushing me to venture out a little farther. And I see someone. It's not Emmeline, but their presence is odd. There's no one else here. Since we left the hotel it's just been us and the waitress. Is that normal? I haven't spent much time outside the French Quarter where's there's always someone on every street. Is the rest of the world this dead? Ten feet away, the stranger's walking past me. Her blonde head high, despite the torn state of her dress and bright bruises splattering her legs and feet. She struts with her eyes forward, refusing to acknowledge my presence until she's right across from me. Her body whips to a stop, full-on staring as if she's examining my thoughts through my eyes. We've both frozen, locked in each other's gazes, but I don't feel like I'm looking at someone. It's like I'm watching a video of a woman that the camera can't quite focus on correctly. Like I can look away from her whenever I'd like to but she would be stuck studying me forever. Unfocused and immobile, frozen until I... frozen until... until I... until...

        Why aren't I better? I could be but I'm not. I've made a promise I almost thought I could keep to a girl I almost thought could like me. But why would she? Just because she's not afraid of me like the others? That's no reason. Idiot. Why can't I just be better? Less scrawny, less dirty, less confused. Less me. I can't control my thoughts. Why can't I start over? Steal the money from the girl and... Do what? I can't live anywhere else. I can't learn how to drive a car, get a job, make a life. I can't stop being me. Living off other people's money. Why can't I control my thoughts? I can never control myself. What's going on? The two boys in the ally know. The woman with the red fur coat knows. Why am I believing this? I'm the worst waste of a human body.

        I shouldn't look at the unfocused lady. I turn, dragging myself back to the Waffle House. I loiter outside the door, my accordion in my lap, still scanning for Emmeline. But looking is useless. What would I do once I found her? I can't help her. I meander back inside the House, seeing the unfocused lady has come closer, a few feet from the window. I drop into a booth as my mind climbs a mountain of despairing thoughts, never reaching the top but successfully starting avalanches that smother and choke me. I can't get these thoughts out of my head.

        The lady's wandered closer to the window, her face nearly brushing the glass.

        Why can't I get over myself? Over the way I freak out about little things. Over how big my front teeth are. Over how small my hands are. Over the pimples dotting my face. There's something wrong with me. There's something wrong with me.

        I toss my hat onto another seat. Clasping my hands together, I lay my forehead on the edge of the table. I don't pray very often, maybe once every few months, only when I feel like I need to. I think the unfocusable lady is a Demon even though I know she can't be because I can see her. I think she's making me focus on the pieces of myself that I hate. And I think it has to do with that first Demon's threat.

        I close my eyes.

Thanks for reading! Have you ever had thoughts similar to the one's invading Dumaine? Do you think he deserves it? What would you do if you were him? Comment what you think! And don't forget to vote! A new piece is shared every other Wednesday!