Annihilate

will i ever let go

i actually have a problem

thinking of a time

my sheets didn't crave his skin.

i know i always wrote

his name on my left wrist

(like that's going to make him more mine),

i always forgot what to do

with my body near him

and my tongue was tied cause his heart

went into my throat so i only knew

how to speak those three words,

but never aloud,

never aloud.

and i don't know

what makes him happy besides football

and he doesn't know what makes me sad.

but these rusty mouths will not shut down

until you fill them up with stars and dawn.

--

and now, he actually left.

and i feel like a total fool

cause i'm still thinking about him,

i'm still dreaming of him.

so join me, tonight we'll sit

under the christmas lights

and think about the people

who meant everything to us

but we never got a chance

to give over that love.

a/n: this might get a little personal but idk i need to get this out. so it's Christmas (Merry Christmas!!!) but i feel so sad, so... lame. like i've spent the last six years thinking about this guy and i can't let go. like i don't know how not to be in love with him. it is so familiar to me,  that it is impossible for me to forget him. but the saddest thing, the worst thing is that i'm pretty sure i wouldn't be in love with him if i actually got to know him. we are so so different! BUT I CAN'T LET GO AND IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY. like he is my ''anchor''. he makes me feel some excitement in my boring life. he is the first guy i fell in love with. and now he is so far away, and i should really move on with my life. this summer he found out i'm still in love with him and he said (not to me directly)  i'm pretty but he would never be in a relationship with someone who never talks. yes, i never talk in his presence. it's the weirdest thing ever. leave me alone. so i screwed that up. he took this one thing i most regret, i'm most ashamed of, and he used it as a reason to not be with me. and that, of course, makes me feel pathetic. like i don't want to be that girl who'll drool over him after six years. i don't want him to look at me and think: my gosh when will she get a life and move on?

 i don't blame you if you haven't read this gibberish. i hope you enjoyed the poem even though i think it's definitely not my best work. i might delete it later. 

Merry Christmas (once again), i hope you're having a great day!