Dear Past, You Suck!

Twisting In The Wind

The crowd's cheering became louder as I walked up the wooden steps, each rickety step I wished would collapse beneath me and send me to a quicker death. I was about to die horrendously before all these people who were excited to see it. It left me sick. Abe had told me not to look at the crowd but I had to. I turned my head towards the crowd, the entire county had almost showed up. To witness our deaths. Is it because they thought what we are accused of is such a heinous crime that they are pleased to see our lives ended? Or is it because they are happy to see those who were above them fall below.

Something hard prodded my back, "Keep moving!" The guard ordered. As I began to move back from the rail, I made eye contact with a little boy. He couldn't be more than 6 and was sitting on his dad's shoulders, both of them watching our procession with an angry expression. The boy would have been cute if not for the mud and filth covering his clothes and skin, his blond hair darkened with mud. His father yelled something that was lost in the crowd and handed the little boy a stone. The boy hurled the stone with all his might, it falling short by ten feet of the stairs. My stomach turned as I looked away. Does that boy understand what he is about to see? Will it haunt him until he is old, or will we only be another death?

The last stair ended, forcing me onto the platform which I had been so dreading to come to. I stopped briefly turning to look at Abe. His impeccable posture had been left behind with his dignity. He didn't look at the crowd like I did, but stayed focused on me. His eyes drooped, like he had a million things to apologize for but not enough time. And never will have enough time. My sight quivered as tears threatened to fall. My feet felt numb as they led me to the noose that swung slightly in the wind. I watched my feet step onto the box which was level with the platform now but would drop away when they wanted us to swing. My breath seemed to catch in my throat. Suddenly, it felt so real. This is happening. This is it, I am going to die. At some point I assumed someone would come along to save us or the charges would be revoked, but as I stood there on the teetering box I realized. My life just starting, was about to be over. There is no way around it.The platform seemed to heave beneath me. I fell to my knees, my vision going dark around the edges. I ripped at my dress, trying to loosen it around my chest. I sucked in one shallow breath after the next. I couldn't breath. My heart was about to fall out of my throat and onto the ground below. I am going to die. I am going to die. I am going to die.

The guard yanked me by the hair onto my feet. "Move or I will kill you myself," he breathed his foul breath in my ear. I tried to keep my legs steady as I stood there. Abe stood beside me, eerily calm. He looked at me and reached his arm out, we were just close enough that our fingers could interlock. The contact calmed my breathing slightly, but not enough to forget where we were. His skin was soft but cold, like he was already dead.

"I am sorry. This is my fault," he choked, tears now running down his face.

"It is no one's fault but fate's." I tried to sound confident and brave for him, but it came out shaky and barely audible. The rope slipped around my head, falling onto my chest like the deadliest necklace I have ever worn. The guard that escorted us from the prison stepped in front of us and shouted "Silence! Please bare witness to the last words and testimony of Lady Elizabeth Warlest and Lord Abraham Warlest, as required by law." The crowd silented until the air was stiff with their quiet outrage. Is this how Eleanor felt before she died? And I just stood there watching. I can't believe I just stood there.

Abe cleared his throat, "As a last plea I implore someone to review our trial and conviction before we are put to our deaths. But if we do die in a matter of minutes, do not trust the new wife of the prince too readily as she seeks to destroy our good and powerful country. If not for us but for the good of the people. Even if we die I know that God will greet us with open arms in heaven it is just my regret that my wife and unborn child will have to part from this world so early. Despite these unfortunate times, we have had great luck in life and will continue to prosper when we are with God in heaven." His words seemed hollow like he was reading a script, no emotion or conviction in his voice. He pleads but its as if he knows everyone he pleads to is deaf. He stood tall the weight of his rope necklace not affecting him even as it falls heavily onto his chest or as they pull it tight around his neck. You would have thought this meant nothing to him if not for the steady stream of tears falling down his cheeks.

I want to sound as brave as him. I want to leave a final speech that is scarred into the minds of all who bear witness to it. I want those who hear it to cry and realise the injustice. But as I open my mouth nothing but choked crying comes out. My chest constricting and not allowing me to utter a word. This is how I will be remembered a jealous treacherous criminal who cried too much to give a last word. No, they'd remember us. "This...injustice...will...not.stand. everyone here.. will pay. You will...all.. get whats...coming..to you." I said between angry sobs. Someone roughly grabbed my head and pulled it so tight that my neck bulged against it when it swallowed. I found Abe's eyes, they finally showed his fear. "I love you," I said hoarsely.

"I love you."

I looked down at my feet, seeing the slats through the platform made me want to puke. I looked back up stretching my eyes as far as I could. Passed the crowd to a row of trees at the edge of the square, trying to remove myself from the situation. In the folds of shadows a young woman with tight blond curls leaned against a tree watching the event. She looked very different from the young girl with a faded dress and tired eyes I had once known. She looked tired then and she looks tired now. No matter where she goes in life her tortured soul will follow her. Her weary eyes cried silent tears as she stood in the shadows, the only witness to her tears and her truth was standing before death. And as she closed her eyes I heard the crack of wood before my feet found open air. And instantaneously a loud crack ended it all.