Dear Past, You Suck!

Home Is Where The Heart Is

  I felt like I was choking. I couldn't breathe couldn't swallow. That was the only thing I could feel. Not my limbs, not my tongue in my mouth, not my heartbeat in my chest, even my thoughts seemed to be distant. It was dark. It was empty. It was the closest to nothing I have ever felt. Then I hit the ground, well that's what it felt like, being jarred from nothing to everything in a split second. My nerves screamed, as well as me. Am I alive, did the rope break? Or is this what death is, pain? Behind my closed eyelids I could see bright light. Blood pulsed in my ears. Whoosh. Beep. Whoosh. Beep.Whoosh Beep. Beep. Beep. Thats not... thats not in my head is it? It sounds familiar but I can't quite put my finger on what kind of instrument would make that sound. No... not an instrument.

"Alison? Alice sweetheart are you awake?" A familiar voice asked.

I groaned in response. Alice... Alice... how funny to hear that out loud. "Alice..." I said quietly, it coming out more of a groan than a word but still funny how it feels unfamiliar to the tongue.

I could hear someone getting out of a chair quickly and running somewhere. "Get in here, she's waking up!" Whoever it was was now escorted by several other pairs of feet.

"Ma'am please stand back as we check her vitals."

I opened my eyes slowly, they were heavy and difficult to keep open. My eyes grazed over the tube taped to my hand, it felt numb. I closed my eyes again, not struggling against them anymore.

"Alice? Why did she close her eyes again?" My mom asked nervously.

"Please give her a moment," the nurse said. I heard her lean closer to me,"Alice when you are ready, can you look at me?" I really didn't want to. I wanted to drift back into sleep, but I fought against it. I pulled my eyes apart, looking directly into the face of an older woman I didn't recognize. "Okay good Alice. Can you look at your mom for me please?" My eyes adjusted to the bright artificial light of the room as I looked away from the nurse. A blonde woman with a red makeupless face watched with piercing intensity. The anxiety and pain that had been building up for years inside me seemed to slip out, making my vision watery.

"Mom," my voice scratching along unused vocal cords. She quickly enclosed the space between us, rubbing her hand across my forehead, smoothing my hair out of the way of my face.

"I'm here its okay," she cooed.

"Okay Alice just one more thing before I get Dr. Gagnon." Something sharp pricked my toe," Did you feel anything?" I nod my head,"Okay which foot was it Alice?"

"Left," I croaked.

"Okay, very good. I am going to go get Dr. Gagnon and he will be here in a minute." The nurse briskly left the room as she jotted down something on her clipboard.

My mind felt heavy and dull, making simple connections seemed hard," Where am I?"

"We're in the hospital. You fainted a few weeks ago and the doctors couldn't wake you up, sweetheart. But now you're okay,"She brushed my hair away with her hand again, tears in her eyes,"You're okay..."

"I want to go home."

"I know, sweetie but we have to wait until Dr. Gagnon says its okay."

I move my free arm up to my eyes, rubbing the weariness away and blocking the light for a moment. The light is oddly strong. I stare up at the square light for a moment, confused. It seemed wrong somehow. That shouldn't be here, its too futuristic, it doesn't exist here. Here. I can't be back... can I? I rubbed my neck absentmindedly before pausing. No I can't. The rope had dropped. This is wrong. I'm dead.