The Green-Eyed Writer

15-Looking Up

"Musta na? 2 weeks ka nang offline. Ano, forever ka magmumukmok? Why are you blaming yourself over her mistake? Pinili niyang umalis. Move on from that."

Ito ang bumungad sa akin sa Messenger. Kay Nine galing ang mensaheng ito.

I frowned as I read her words. Pero unti-unti kong naisip na tama pala siya.

"Hi Nine, sorry, ngayon ko lang nakita ito," I replied.

I pressed send and waited. Tama siya, dalawang linggo na akong di tumitingin sa Facebook at Wattpad. Dalawang linggo na rin ako school-bahay at nagmumukmok lang sa kwarto tuwing weekends.

When my phone beeped and I swiped it to unlock , ito ang response niya:

"I understand you going offline. You need it. But now, ihiwalay mo mistake niya from you. Ang kasalanan mo lang, you were truly envious. You should have opened up to her earlier, na totally honest ka sa kanya. When she saw that anonymous confession signed as V, automatic na iisipin niyang ikaw iyon. Tapos pareho pa kayong nagsusulat ng same genre. So if you put two and two together, poof! It all points to you, but she had the choice of listening to your side or shrugging it off completely. Sadly, she did the latter."

My mind went numb. Tama ang lahat ng sinabi ni Nine sa akin.

"So what do I do now?" I asked.

"When you hold a glass of water for a while, magaan lang. Pero kapag matagal mo na itong hawak, mangangalay braso mo. You have to put it down, at ikaw lang makakagawa noon, hindi ako, o ibang tao. Nilalason mo ang sarili mo sa ginagawa mo."

"I get what you mean," I told Nine.

"Kung alam mo lang, nagkakagulo fans mo sa MB mo," Nine answered.

She sent me 3 screenshots of my Wattpad MB.

"Ate, whhyyyyy? Bumalik ka na, pleaaaase!" One reader said.

"Bakit naman ganoon? Huwag kang magpa-down sa ibang writers na mas sikat sa iyo, we believe in you!"

"Ms. A, may tiwala ako na babalik ka rin para magsulat. Magpahinga lang po kayo, pero huwag po kayo susuko."

Nine typed and she responded.

"Mas marami pa iyan. Ang gaga mo kasi, atat ka na maging kasing-sikat ni eissenv. Hinay-hinay lang. I don't wish her fame on you, or anyone else. Still your fan." She ended the message with a smiley face.

Natawa ako sa sinabi ni Nine.

"Oo na, pero magpapahinga muna ako from writing."

Napahiga ako sa kama. I smiled to myself. Nine may be harsh at times, pero ito yung real talk na gumagaan kalooban mo and everything will be alright after this.

Sumaya ako ng kaunti when I realized may fans pa rin ako as VennyG. Pero sa ngayon, wala pa akong planong bumalik sa pagsusulat. Kahit gusto ko pa rin sumikat at malagpasan si Nessie, hindi pa rin ako makapag-isip kung paano ito gagawin.

---

After that day, I did my very best to stop myself from moping and feeling sorry for myself. Luckily, simula na ng Introduction to Thesis Making course sa amin, dahil we will be defending our thesis next semester, fourth year.

I planned to do my thesis alone, but my prof insisted that I find a group. I was about to push my idea of going by my lonesome, when two of my classmates approached me.

"Hi, do you want to join our group? Dalawa lang kami."

The two girls were named Eri and Trixie. Matagal ko na silang kilala, pero ngayon lang sila lumapit sa akin.

"Thank you, pero-"

"Okay lang iyon, don't worry," Trixie smiled, na mas nagpasingkit pa sa kanyang mga mata. "You're our groupmate now."

"And di kami nakikitsismis about you and Nessie," Eri added. "Na-amaze nga ako na writer ka pala. VennyG, right?"

"Paano niyo nalaman?" Gulat akong tumayo.

Eri laughed. "Ang daling hanapin eh. Fan mo na ako, and I'm honored to work with you for our upcoming thesis. Nabasa ko na My Love From The Past, maganda kaya!"

"Thank you, it feels weird to meet a reader in person," I replied sheepishly.

Hindi na ako makatanggi pa. I smiled warmly and agreed to be part of their group.

---

The next days were spent studying the different parts of a thesis. Hindi ko na napansin na isang buwan na pala ang lumipas, at summer vacation na ulit.

"See you in June! Final na tayo sa topic natin ah," Eri reminded me.

"Sama kayo sa La Union! I need 2 more people for a beach trip," pag-aaya ni Trixie. "Seven tayong lahat."

"Sure!"

Nagkatinginan kami ni Eri, and we laughed dahil sabay kaming nagsalita.

"Okay, see you after Holy Week, third week of April!" Trixie smiled.

Hindi man maganda ang pasok ng aking taon, at least things are now looking up for me.

Babawi ako, pangako ko sa sarili.