My trials, tribulations, triumphs and more... - Arjuna.

Chapter 34: Life changing decision

The journey back to the hut was one of the most thrilling moments of my life. I was totally engrossed in my conversation with the beautiful Princess of Panchal whom I had garlanded just earlier. Even though we were passing through a rough terrain inhabited with some wild shrubs and rocky pathways, to my surprise Princess of Panchal did not even complain once about it. She seemed to have a joyous time all through this walk and was trying various ways to force me to tell the truth that I was indeed Arjuna. Bhim bhai was walking fast and a good distance in front of us, to allow some privacy for us to have one-to-one talk during the walk. From the past month or so, ever since the Swayamvar contest was announced, we got to know the how the fame of her unmatched beauty was spreading like a wild fire all over Aryavarth. Everyone from merchants to farmers, from government officials to soldiers, from royals to commoners were seen discussing about this delicate beauty and the impending Swayamvar.

We were having great time conversing with each other and trying to pull each other's legs, and in that brief time I could gauge the simplicity and intelligence of the princess. Of course, she was a stunning beauty but I was even more impressed by the refined manners, live wire personality and intelligence of one of the most unforgettable and cherished persons in my life. By now, I very well understood that the princess of Panchal had no doubt whatsoever about my identity, and she was very well sure that I was Arjuna. At one point, to pull her leg, I intentionally raised some points questioning worthiness of Arjuna, like whether even if he was alive did he really deserve to marry princess of Panchal as desired by Maharaj Drupad and if he would have been a suitable match to such a lovely woman. I said, may be Nakul with his most handsome personality would have suited the Princess perfectly, or Yudhistir who was renowned all over the Aryavarth for his compassion and for his immense knowledge of scriptures would have been suitable, or Bhimsen for his immeasurable strength and loving nature or Sahadev for his immense wisdom. And, I continued the conversation by saying, it was baffling for me as to why Maharaj Drupad singled out Arjuna as a worthy match to his lovely daughter when there were more far more worthy and suitable suitors for his daughter.

After uttering those unsavoury remarks about Arjuna, I was not ready to experience the eruption of the volcanic anger from the princess. She gave me such an angry look and literally burned me with her fiery response. She said Arjuna was something else, he was a charming, noble and brave personality whom any woman would think to be utterly lucky to get such a man as her husband. She didn't stop at that and instead started recollecting various tales of Arjuna and finally burst into tears. My heart crushed seeing the gentle and vulnerable side of this princess and her attachment and probably a sort of vulnerability in her immense love towards Arjuna. And, seeing her unexpected vulnerable side, I immediately consoled her saying I was just trying to pull her leg to see her reaction and I did not really mean to say such unsavoury things about Arjuna. She looked straight into my eyes and said her heart can never be wrong and she immediately recognized me as Arjuna the moment I entered into the Swayamvar hall. She said her heartbeat started to rise when she saw me amongst the people in the hall and when I was ready to shoot the arrows, she felt both immense joy and some sort of fear as well, and was praying to Mahadev in her heart about my success.

I was pleasantly surprised to see such unconditional love and sort of love at first sight type of stuff and at the same time some sort of fear was gripping me, various wild thoughts were entering my mind that I would be going away from the princess and so on. At that point I did not anticipate what future holds but as they say some times we do get future premonitions and what happened quickly thereafter was unlike anything I expected. It came as a sort of a wild shock to me which changed my life up and down. But, as various experiences in life and the immortal Gita by my dear friend taught me that whatever happens in life it happens for a reason. And, when we accept it wholeheartedly and strive to do our best under those unexpected and unfavourable situations, it will eventually be better for us in the long run than sulking and having negative outlook all through life because of some unfortunate situations.

Finally, just before the sunset we reached our hut and Bhim bhai who was walking in front of us, excitedly announced loudly from outside itself by calling our mother and saying 'maa, see what Arjuna has brought home'. And, our mother from inside of the hut, who had just concluded her evening prayers responded back saying whatever Arjuna has brought be shared equally by the rest of the brothers. That response from my mother shook me no end, and Draupadi was in utter confusion and close to tears, so was Bhim bhai and rest of my brothers. Till today, I really don't know what made my mother respond like that, since she knew that we were going to Swayamvar and it was a contest where one had to exhibit very high class skills in archery. I can only assume it was a play of destiny that made my mother utter those words and all of us are mere instruments in the play of life on earth which is directed by almighty. At this point, it is poignant to remember that immortal verse of my dear friend,

"tasmāt tvam uttiṣhṭha yaśho labhasva

jitvā śhatrūn bhuṅkṣhva rājyaṁ samṛiddham

mayaivaite nihatāḥ pūrvam eva

nimitta-mātraṁ bhava savya-sāchin"

[Translation: Therefore, arise and attain honor O Arjuna! Conquer your foes and enjoy prosperous rulership. These warriors stand already slain by me, and you will only be an instrument of my work, O expert archer.]

After uttering those words, our mother turned back and faced the entrance where I was standing alongside the princess with garlands round our necks and she was totally surprised to see us in such situation and enquired about it. After I recounted the happenings at the court of Panchal and how I won the contest, she scolded Bhim bhai that why he didn't he announce that Arjuna was victorious at the Swayamvar and won the hand of the princess of Panchal instead of uttering 'see maa what Arjuna has brought home'. Our mother was in confused state and said sorry to utter such words without knowing the context but at the same time she would like to make sure her words are not falsified. This was like walking on a tight rope and already my heart was beating rapidly and I could see the tension filled eyes of the princess.

Mother called out Yudhi bhai and asked him to clear this dilemma. Yudhi bhai thought for a while and asked me to marry the princess but I refused politely saying I cannot marry when my elder brothers are still unmarried. After hearing this, Yudhi bhai again kept calm and thought deeply for a while and then recounted few instances which happened in the past era where a woman was married to multiple men. He said, since we always had immense respect for our mother and never go back on our mother's words, so the only option left with us was to enter into a polyandrous relationship with the princess. To say I was utterly shocked at this development was an understatement and at that moment my heart broke into pieces and in the deep recess of my heart I could feel it as an injustice to the woman who was not given any chance to have her say in such a life changing scenario. Since, all my life I was bound to the words of my family specially my mother and elder brother, I could not muster enough courage to say anything on this matter but I can distinctly remember the heartache I endured. I could not dare to look into the eyes of the princess as I knew I failed to do justice to her, as she was my responsibility after I won the contest.

I just want to make it clear that I never had any ill will towards my brothers because of this situation, as I knew my brothers always had clear conscience and were noble people. It was not like a preplanned situation whose advantage was taken by my brothers but a play of destiny. I never held anyone responsible for such a situation. We all six gotten into a very delicate and quite difficult situation to say the least but we all can feel proud and pat our backs that we all lived with dignity and honour in this relationship and never gave anyone any chance of complaint. I don't think apart from us, anyone can really understand the gravity of this complicated situation and in day to day life how one had to endure the constant pressure and questioning from various elements of the society due to the norms and rules vogue at that point in time.

Now, after all these years, I can only reflect back and say it was the will of destiny and such difficult and complicated decision was necessary to start a new Yug, so in a way we were pawns in the game called life. 

May be with the advantage of hindsight, if such a situation reoccurs in our next lifetime, then I would muster enough courage and speak up, so the princess can escape enduring some of the great hardships which she had to encounter.