Quarterback's Study Buddy

Chapter Fourteen

Carson felt the vibration of his phone in his back pocket as he adjusted his jeans on his hips. He snuck out of Daisy's bedroom. Her cascading blonde hair was fluttered against her pillow. It felt like he couldn't process what he was feeling in that moment. This was fucked up--he knew that. However, they weren't serious in his mind they were just 'chillin.' Then why did he feel bad for doing something he never had a problem doing before?

Carson didn't really believe much in love. His parents really helped him come to that conclusion a long time ago. It didn't matter what type of love it was, it will always deteriorate: maternal, paternal, romantic, platonic. He believed in lust and wanting something, I guess he kind of believed that's what he felt with Noelle. He really liked her but, he knew these feelings would wear off. 

He hopped into his truck and looked down at his phone before driving. The words, "What are we?"Popped up on his screen as if the universe was challenging him. At least he wasn't the only one confused. He texted back:

"Idk what u mean?" He started his truck and drove to home. He parked and walked in. Everything was still and quiet. His hand itched for the bottle of Spirits in the basement. Eventually, he gave in and drank for the rest of the night. His phone buzzed with another text from Noelle as he laid passed out on the floor:

"Are we in a relationship?

***

The next morning, Noelle was waiting on her front lawn for Carson to pick her up for school. He was ten minutes late, at the point she might as well walk. She started in the direction of their school when Carson comes zooming from one direction and slams on the breaks. He lowers the passenger window. He was wearing tinted Ray Bands and he seemed kind of lethargic. He took a sip out of a tumbler than was in the cup holder.

"Hey, Noe." He said lowly.

"Hey," She said as she got in and placed her backpack between her legs. They sat in silence for a while as he drove them to school. "Uh...did you get my text last night?" Noelle said to his non-emotive face as he drove mindlessly. 

"Yep." Carson said curtly.

"So? What are you thinking?" Noelle was anxious.

He sighed, "Honestly, I don't know."

Noelle looked at his profile, "What don't you know?" Noelle felt like she had no idea who she was talking to. He looked like Carson and sounded like him too. But, she didn't recognize his personality.

Carson sighed again heavily, "...Everything I touch, I fuck up..." He whispered to himself.

Noelle was completely in the dark on this one, "What? That's not true." She held his hand. Carson doesn't always talk about himself in a deprecating manner unless he was...

Noelle looked down at his silver tumbler with the school's logo on the front. She picked it up quickly and took a sip. The initial burn of the liquid made her cringe instantly. 

"Carson!" She looked up, "Pull over."

"...Noe, I'm fine..."

"Pull the fucking car over now!"

Reluctantly, Carson slowed the car to a stop off to the side of the road. They sat in silence for what felt like forever. Carson tapped his fingers against the stirring wheel nervously. Carson move his mouth and nothing seemed to come out. "...Noe, I'm sorry..."

"Are you drunk right now?" Noelle said as her voice cracked, she couldn't even look at him. 

"Do you want the truth?" He stared ahead.

"No, lie to me."

"No, I'm not drunk."

Noelle shed a couple of tears and wiped them away with her hand, "You need help."

"I'm fucking fine..."

"Obviously you're not!" Noelle grabs the tumbler and throws it outside of her car window. She heard a metal clank on the street. "Promise me you're gonna get help." She held out her pinky. Carson scoffs and pushes her hand away. 

"You're over-reacting, Noe." Carson said as he touched the keys that were still dangling in the ignition. 

"No, you're drunk right now and it's 7:00AM! I know you and your parents don't have a great relations--"

Carson slammed his fist into the steering wheel, shocking Noelle into silence. "And what the fuck do you know about my fucking parents! Nothing! Fucking nothing! So don't act like you fucking know!" Carson yelled.

"How am I supposed to know if you don't tell me anything about your parents!"

"Cuz it's none of your business!"

"At least let me in, I'm your girlfriend!"

"...Now who said you were my girlfriend?"

"What the fuck!" Noelle yelled, "What the fuck have we been doing for the past few months?"

"I've been securing my tutoring sessions."

"Are you fucking serious?"

"Did you think you were special? That I liked you?" He laughed coldly. "Get the fuck out of my car."

"What?" Noelle had tears streaming down her face in rivers. "Why are you saying this?" She whispered. She didn't know who the fuck this was. 

"Get out."

"But... I-"

"Get the fuck out!" He yelled and slammed his fist on his steering wheel a second time. Noelle hurriedly opened the passenger side door and got out. She stood off to the side of the road as he pulled off. He drove until she couldn't see him. 

Carson stopped at a near by gas station and threw up everything he has ever ate and sat on a nearby wall where he eventually passed out.

Noelle cried as she called the one person she could always count on: Margo. 

15 minutes later, Margo pulled up in her small blue car. Noelle opened the door and climbed inside. Margo looked at her sister and decided to take her home instead of school. "Boys really ain't shit." Margo said as she pulled off.

***

"...Dude..." Carson felt someone shaking his shoulder. He groggily opened his eyes to see Tyler squatting in front of him. "Are you drunk right now?" 

Carson coughed as he sat up, he wobbled as he tried to stand up. Tyler put his hand on Carson's chest, "Hold up, I'll get you some water." Tyler said as he walked into the gas station. He soon came out with a bottle of water and a donut for Carson. Tyler sat with Carson on the wall.

"Dude, it's 4:30 and you're fucking slizzard." Tyler said. "Is this about...you know..."

"Isn't it always?" Carson said with a mouth full of donut. He laugh lowly, "I fucked things up with Noe."

Tyler nodded slowly, "Wanna talk about it?"

"I said some really fucked up shit I didn't mean." He said as he took a huge gulp of his water. They sat in silence until Carson finished his donut and water. 

"Come on, let's get you home." He said as he patted his shoulder. Tyler helped him up and into his car. Summer by BROCKHAMPTON was playing lowly. 

"...She hates me..." Carson mumbled lowly repeatedly. "...She hates me..."

"She doesn't hate you, dude." Tyler said as he pulled up to Carson's lavish house. Tyler eventually got Carson into bed. He picked up Carson phone and saw Noelle's name and number. He dialed it. He heard the dial tone until it he reached her voicemail.

"Uhhh...Hey, this is Tyler. Carson's friend. I know he said some fucked up shit to you. I know it hurts--I've been burned a few times. He doesn't mean it, I swear he doesn't. I'm not saying to forgive him on the spot but, he's been fighting these demons since we were kids. So when he extends that olive branch, don't shoot him down immediately. If you need someone to talk to my number is 540-689-0045. Reach out to me if you need to."