Lifeline

Growing Feelings

The next few months have been equally fun and wonderful. Tristan and I grew closer to each other and we became best friends in a short span of time. He's really supportive and protective of me, he always defends me from the bullies and we always go on adventures; going to the different beautiful places around our town. Dad and Caleb seemed to like him enough, they would sometime chat with him about basketball teams but most of the time it was grandma who is really fond of him. She always invites him in our home and they have this bond that even I could not match.

Also, these past few months, I become aware, aware of the feelings that are developing within my grasp. I suddenly become too aware of the glint in his wonderful grey eyes or how his voice sounds like home or the feeling whenever he offers a hug or the simple gestures like how he would lend me his sweater whenever it feels cold. The first time I felt that I disregarded it, throwing it away like a piece of thrash and assuming that it was just a phase because he was the first one who showed real care towards me but I was wrong. The longer I spend time with him, the faster I fall into the abyss of uncertainties and wishful thinking. I fall harder and harder and whenever I tried to control it, to fight it, it becomes stronger, engulfing my well being until the only left thing to do is acceptance.

I actually did consider if he actually reciprocates the same feelings, I mean with those actions, the late-night talks, stargazing, falling asleep next to each other, or the simple act of doing things for me, those could mean something right? But my mind always contradicts it because, at the back of my head, I always knew that it's just the way that he is and there's no hidden agenda behind it.

One afternoon while I was bonding with Caleb and his girlfriend, Lilia, I find myself yearning for something that my brother and his girlfriend have. The love that is so genuine and pure, selfless, and caring, the love that will make you want to live even against all the odds. That day, Lilia and I got the chance to talk, we were actually close; she's like the older sister I've always wanted.

We were in the kitchen and I was washing the dishes and she was baking a pizza for our afternoon bonding when she suddenly approached me.

"So who's the lucky guy?"

"The lucky what?" I asked, confounded

"The lucky guy" Lilia smirked at me "You look inspired"

I blushed, "There's no guy"

"Come on Aria, you can't hide anything from me"

"There's no guy" I repeated more forcefully this time

"Okay if you say so" Fudge, her tone sounded like, fine hide it from me and suffer in the end.

"Actually" I started, Lilia smirked at me, she really knows me. "My best friend Tristan-"

The rest of the afternoon was spent by me, telling stories about Tristan while Lilia patiently listens, sometimes commenting and sharing her thoughts. Lilia was really great; she told me that if what I'm feeling is genuine and pure, I should pursue it. I should stop being a coward, swallow my pride, and confess my feelings to my best friend because sometimes we only regret the things that we didn't do in the end.

I thought about what Lilia said but I guess my anxiety was much greater than my bravery and willingness.