Royal Imitation | Kylo Ren

Dismiss The Kiss

Royalty or not, I still awaken the same way a King would. My eyes greet the daylight with the soft flutter of groggy sight and my heart and lungs expand as I breathe a deep breath inwards, inhaling the scent of morning mist.

Sight still in the clutches of the night's glue, I hesitantly rubbed my eyes with closed fists and then basked in the warm sun that shined through the opened balcony. Its vivid light extended across a golden sky, seeming as if it was simply reflecting off the crown on the floor by my fallen arm that hangs off the side of the mattress.

Thoughts of the visions in sleep come and go in waves, clinging onto the very last memory of the night but with little success, and at first, I blink away the already-forgotten dreams from my mind, and then the sense of welcoming a new day for ever since I had been forced to place this role, the anticipation of whatever comes, is mundane in the fact that this life doesn't even feel like my own anymore.

When I eventually pull myself to my feet and head to the bathroom, my stomach swirls untamed in my body and I grimace with the unease that reminds me of all of last nights events.

At all of the hazy recollections, my heart beats fast and there is a buzzing in my brain, and all together they are as panicked as electricity in water as I then dip my toes into that same liquid that I had poured an unhealthy amount of potent bubbles into, in the wide-spread bath that sunk into the marble floors.

When the warm water greets my naked flesh, it isn't what shocked me out of the remaining clutches of slumber, but in fact it is the words that flood my mind as easily as the water and bubbles that now surround my shoulders, spread out and overflow the sides of the bath, rushing away and over the marble as if it was as sick at my choices as I was.

Too much wine. Kylo's hand on my thigh. Prince Dayvis. The Prince's knife aimed to my heart. Kylo Ren punching Dayvis away. Ruby screaming for him to not kill the royal. Again, too much wine. Kylo's warm eyes. Inviting him into bed. His fingers– Stop!

I clench my eyes tightly and swash at the water around me as if to swipe away the rest of the memories that arrive to my brain and prick at my already, crimson cheeks.

How could I have been so lenient? Sure, I was exceptionally intoxicated and then mixing that with the feeling of fright and the need to feel safe, I can see why I invited Kylo Ren back into his own bed, but why had I kissed him so easily and let him do those things without a whisper of displeasure by my own mistaken passion?

I can still feel the force of his soft lips pressed to my own and in my core, I almost remember perfectly, the way his fingers worked both gracefully and sinfully – And I had enjoyed every second of it. But now? Gods – I just wanted to submerge underneath the hot water and become one with the bubbles forever, for I was drowning in regret and dismay at my own strength to stay away from the Apprentice.

I mean, he's not even my fiancé! He's the real Princess', and there I was, kissing him like he had been my lover for years – Kissing him the way I had imagined kissing Anwar one day, falling into the taste of his lips upon my own, but it was a different man entirely.

I scrape at my skin with the variety of soaps and washcloths, happy to finally be away from the swarm of servants, but almost wishing they were here to stop me from grazing the milky bars across my skin until the flesh was red and burning – Or until I washed away the disgusting feeling of regret that sat heavily above my stomach and rushed deep into my heart.

Hopping out of the water and wrapping a fluffy towel around my frame, I curse at myself inwardly when I realise the regret didn't sit with nauseating purposes at the idea of Kylo Ren, but more so at my own lack of refrain from falling into his grip last night – There was no doubt about the fact that Kylo was a good-looking man, with his gorgeous eyes, tall frame, strong build, wide shoulders, long hair, big hands... But it was his personality that shunned me away. The darkness that swirled more aggressively in him than the regret did in I. The damage in the man who caused the same very things with those, big, hands.