Outside the Dream (A Junjou Romantica Fanfiction)

Mercy

Outside the Dream (A Junjou Romantica Fanfiction)

Chapter Twenty: Mercy
{Twentieth chapter milestone, everybody!! :D}
(*Sakura's are a Japanese cigarette brand)

Enjoy!
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Usagi's POV:

I couldn't sleep that night. Rather I held Misaki to my chest as he lay atop of me, I couldn't get close enough to him. He had been so close to dying, to have taken his own life. That fact stabbed through me with razor sharp talons. I was far from ever letting this go. I had let my own stupid assumption that Misaki would never go as far as to attempt suicide, and my own declination to the suicide watch nearly killed him. It was my fault just as much as it was his.

If not more.

My hand traced circles on his back as I felt the soft expansion and deflation of his chest on mine.

I had wrapped my finger in a cocoon of bandages, and even though it hurt incredibly, I wasn't about to leave Misaki alone, nor was I ready to take him away so fast.

I thought a lot that night. About a lot of things. About a lot of people. But no matter what train of thought I had taken, I always ended up recreating today's events in my mind. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw his face. I saw Misaki's look of hate, of affliction.

All I knew was that I was sick of feeling like this. Both Misaki and myself have had too much grief and sorrow in our lives. I can't say I don't, but Misaki doesn't deserve it. He deserved none of this, he was born innocent and he kept up that trait. At least, until he met me.

I pinched the bridge of my nose. A desire for a cigarette burned in my stomach and up my throat. I promised Misaki I'd stop, but with this kind of stress, it's smoke or smash a nightstand over my own head.

I placed my hands gingerly but sternly on Misaki's sides and lifted him slightly and shifted my weight from under him. I lay him down on the bed after I draped the quilt over his small frame. My eyebrows lower in sorrow as I laced my fingers into his hair and kissed his warm cheek. "I love you so much..." I whispered as I pulled away. I couldn't love anyone more than him.

After a few minutes of angry searching for just one cigarette, I suddenly remembered Misaki hiding them all somewhere at his work. "Dammit!!" I cursed, wanting to slam my fist into the wall. But after a moment of desperate thinking I remembered the pack I left in my pocket the day we went to go see Takahiro. I smiled slyly, as if I'd outsmarted Misaki and snuck into the living room and began rummaging through the coatrack.

My hand dug into the pocket of my jacket, and sure enough my fingers brushed the cool packaging of a pack of Sakura's. I grinned as I pulled them out and flipped open the case, to see six beautiful cancer sticks all in a row. As I went back to check if my lighter was there too, I felt an unfamiliar object touch my fingertips. My brows furrowed as I pulled out a small dark blue ring box from my coat.

My stomach twisted and my need for a cigarette evaporated instantly. I dropped the pack and held the ring box with both hands, smoothing my fingers over the fuzzy exterior.

I had completely forgotten.

I had planned that after Misaki and I came out to Takahiro of our relationship, I was going to propose to Misaki at the beach where he always used to go as a kid. He always talked to me about it; how we'd go see it one day.

I flipped open the box and examined the platinum ring atop a white pillow. It reflected a bit and I could see my own lavender eye looking back at me.

"Usagi..." I heard a tired voice say from behind me. I swiftly shut the box and stuffed it into my pajama bottoms before I turned to face him.

"Yes, Misaki?" I responded.

"Where'd you...go?" He muttered groggily, rubbing his eye with a balled fist.

I felt myself smile a bit and I took his face in my hands. "I couldn't sleep, but I'll go head back with you right now, okay?" I ensured, planting a soft butterfly kiss on his forehead as I turned him around and guided him back to our room.

Misaki yawned loudly - and extremely cutely, I might add - and I sat down on my side of the bed, pulling the blanket up from his side so he could slide under it. As he did so, I wrapped my arms around his abdomen and pulled him close to me. I nuzzled into his neck, his hair tickling my face, and I heard Misaki do something that he hadn't done in months.

He laughed.

I chuckled deeply, "What, you're laughing at me now?" I joked, turning him so he could face me.

"No, Usagi, of course not!" He smiled brightly, revealing perfectly straight white teeth. "I don't believe you," I snickered, pressing my fingers into his sides - his tickle spot.

Misaki burst into dry laugher and squirmed and wiggled in my grip. "Usagi!" He snorts, "it tickles!"

"That's the point!" I moved my hands up, while cautious of my broken finger, and vellicated them across his neck. He lowered his head and tightened his shoulders as he laughed so sweetly I wish I could hear it forever.

I assaulted his cheeks and chin with kisses and wrapped my arms around his back, as he does I. Our legs were a tangled mess underneath the blankets and his warmth radiates from his torso to mine. I intertwined my fingers in his and kissed the top of his nose.

Soon, his laughter dies down, and we simply look at each other for a long moment.

"Misaki," I muttered.

"Yes?"

I grabbed his chin softly and said, "There is no one in this entire world that I will ever love more than I love you." I pulled him closer, so our lips were barley touching. His breath was sharp on my mouth and his hands tightened around my shirt.

"Misaki," I whispered onto his plush lips, "Will you marry me?"