Statera: The Balance of Yin and Yang

Unemployed

Two weeks after the break, the fourth years were wrapping up their studies and their work attachments. A list of the highest achieving congees appeared outside the Grand Hall, in preparation for the Graduation ceremony which was happening in another months' time. Elora, Enki, Xue and I stopped by after dinner to study it.

Aaryan's name topped the list, followed by Morrigan. Another column appeared next to their names, but I could not understand what the acronyms meant.

I nudged Enki. "Do you know what those mean?" His face had lost the drawn look since he started taking his tonics, and he had started talking to us more again. He seemed a lot more cheerful. A bit too cheerful, actually.

Elora and Enki peered at the column.

"I think it's their employment status. The first letter is either S which stands for Supplicant, or N for non-supplicant and the second letter is where they will be working," Enki said.

I looked at Aaryan's letters 'S/B'; Supplicant working at... Battalion?

Then I looked at Morrigan's 'N/U'; Non-supplicant...what was U? I noticed a legend at the bottom of the list which had been obscured by someone standing in front of it.

B for battalion, G for bodyguard, H for healer, I for independent company and U...U for unemployed.

No! Morrigan was the second best performing congee. How could she not have a job?

Xue saw me studying Morrigan's acronyms. "I heard that she decided to return to her family business instead of working as a Congregant. Her good grades did not get her a job."

Xue's uncanny ability to tell what I was thinking was slightly disturbing. But anyway, how did he know about Morrigan?

Enki nodded in agreement. "I was talking to my friend in fourth year. They said that all the companies she applied for rejected her without good reason."

Elora's brows furrowed. We all knew the real reason why Morrigan could not get a job. Elora looked at me worriedly again.

We walked into an empty classroom to get away from the heat of the evening sun. It was supposed to be autumn, yet the sun still blazed down on us, making our blouses (well mine, at least) damp with sweat. Soon, the cooling system in the classroom dried my soaked blouse.

"Theia..." she started. But she didn't need to continue. I knew what she was going to say from the tone of her voice.

No, no, no, no. Not this again. She was just being like Suren, like father. They all thought what they believed was best for me. I knew my face turned dark when Elora gave me a look. I tried – and failed – to rearrange my face into a less petulant look.

Calm down, Theia, calm down. I willed myself. Elora is just worried for your future. For your safety. Don't be unreasonable. You're not angry at her, you're angry at the unfairness of it all. Remember what you were taught.

Pulling a film of energy around my mind compartmentalized the hurt and fear and anger from the rest of my thoughts. It made everything duller, made me more detached.

"I've wanted to train in Yin since before I came here. You know this."

Elora looked at Enki imploringly, begging him to make me see sense. He must have still been in some kind of tonic-induced confusion since he had just started taking the Yang-supplements, because he nodded in agreement with her. Why wouldn't he understand? After all, he was forced to practice Yang against his will.

"Elora's right. It's dangerous. And Aaryan knows you because of his weird obsession with Elora. He could do the same to you," Xue spoke up, his dark eyes holding mine. His face was expressionless, he was just telling the facts as they were.

Of all people, Xue!

I hid my face in my hands.

"What about you, Xue?" I mumbled through my hands.

"I don't have a choice. I cannot use Yang energy to your extent."

But what was my extent? I didn't even try because I was bent on learning Yin. I thought back to the Cermin viewing, and how Advisor Darnall had said to choose wisely.

Had I not chosen wisely? I knew in my heart I would do well in Yin. Was I to give it up to be subpar in Yang? Could I complain? I had the ability to use Yang at least, and I wouldn't suffer as much as Enki did.

My eyes stung, and I pretended to rub them as if something was stuck in there, but I was just trying to wipe away the moisture before it formed.

Get a grip. Separate your feelings.

"I'm going to the library," I said in an unwelcoming tone, turning my back to them. I doubted they would have followed me anyway.

But my legs carried me to the training room instead.

~

I punched the padded wooden dummy for the hundredth time. My hair escaped from my ponytail and stuck to my sweaty face, the perspiration stinging my eyes, my breath ragged and uneven. I wiped at my eyes with my forearm, unsure if it was sweat or tears that I flicked away.

Swiping my access disc against my locker, I grabbed my water and towel. My hands stilled as I saw Nakatago hanging from its scabbard. After towelling myself dry and chugging half the bottle of water, I pulled the sword out. The cool energy emanating from the sword was welcoming. 

Yin energy always felt good – calm and cooling, Yang energy always felt reluctant – unyielding and sunny.

I sat down in front of the lockers, releasing the blade from its holder as I studied the characters. I wondered what they meant. I wondered if I would ever know.

Would I have to change my weapon if I changed my energy usage? The Nakatago was so obviously a Yin weapon, what if it rejected me if I chose to use Yang instead?

Control over my Yin energy slipped, and it was as though a dam had broken, my emotions surging and flooding from my brain down to my heart. Tears dripped off my chin onto my thighs. Father always scolded me for crying. I hated it. But there was no one around to see me now. I wrapped my arms around my shins, my sword still gripped tightly in my left hand.

~~~ 

A/N: Honestly, Aletheia is kinda stupid - obviously Yin energy isn't the "wise" choice in this scenario!? But well if she hadn't chosen Yin energy... perhaps Statera wouldn't exist? Who knows? Butterfly effect.