Jail Baby

Introduction

In America, jail is used as a punishment, for when you do something the man considers to be wrong. Personally, I have a different view point on the matter.

I was seventeen at the time. I had spent my whole life in jail. Some people may call that sad, but I don't mind jail. Once you get past the aspect of it, you'll love it too.

Right now, you probably think I'm crazy. You're probably thinking this girl belongs in a mad house and not in jail. You are probably correct, but I don't care what you think about me anyways.

My family is just a tiny bit deranged, if I do say so myself.

My mom, Freedom Wallace, was born as a normal person. The name is ironic, I know. She was born to an average suburban family, one without any criminals in it. How boring. She had a thirst for adventure that didn't go away when she got older. It wasn't satisfied by anything that wasn't breaking a law.

She did plenty of law breaking. She started with robbing convenience stores, then progressed to robbing houses and banks. My mother has killed a few people, but so have I. It doesn't really haunt me. Some would say I don't have a conscience. Some would be right.

My father, Lawrence West, was the same. Another ironic name, I know. It's funny. My father had been in the slammer once before he met my mom. On the second time, they met. It was my mother's first arrest.

It was what some people would call love at first sight. Others would call it mutual desperation. Whatever it was, it stuck. Of course, my parents aren't officially married, because that isn't possible in jail.

Fortunately, there was a priest in the jail around that time. He was in jail for doing something priests should never do to a couple of children. So, he unlawfully married them.

It was probably an odd sight for the guards, but I wasn't there, so I don't know. The guards are now kind of accustomed to our weirdness now. They kind of just ignore it.

After my parents married, they had me, Kadence Lee West. They said they wanted to keep the ironic name thing going, but didn't want to ruin my life, by naming me Independence, so Kadence was close enough for them. Plus, it's a pretty sick name.

So, yeah, I was a jail baby. Yeah, you thought the story of your birth was bad. So what, you were born in a taxi. I was born in jail.

At least it wasn't a huge federal jail, just a town one.

Right now, you are probably asking yourself why they didn't put me in foster care. Well they were going to, but I was too bad for that. I'm too cool for you.

I was two when they took me away from my parents. A guard and I were just about to leave.

I saw a black thing hanging from his belt. It was a gun, but I obviously didn't know it at the time.

I found the gun very cool looking. I reached up and took it. I started playing with it. I found the trigger quite easily.

"Where did you get-" The guard exclaimed. I cut him off by shooting his foot.

Don't worry, it was by accident. I didn't know how to shoot a gun when I was two, of course not. I didn't mean to do it at all.

Anyways, the guard didn't die. So I wasn't a murderer at age two, that started at age five.

The guard did decide that my parents had trained me to be an assassin or something, so he let me stay in jail with my parents. The guards had never seen anything like us, so they weren't quite sure what to do.

My family and I were super happy that we got to stay together.

When I was five, my whole family got let out. We did our time, so we were released.

We stayed at a hotel for the night, while my parents schemed up how we were going to get back in. That's how much we like jail. We belong there.

The next day, we headed off to rob a nearby restaurant. Our idea of a family outing.

My job was to be the look out. My parents went inside and began the robbery.

Unfortunately, a guy was walking across the street. He spotted us, and ran over.

When he got close to me, I stabbed him with the butcher knife my parents gave me. It cut deep, killing him pretty much instantaneously.

Killing people doesn't bother me that much. It's the circle of life. Hashtag Lion King moment.

My parents congratulated me once they were done. My first murder. A very big milestone.

We hadn't been let out of jail since. I think you are beginning to comprehend how twisted my family is.

Okay, let me just say this and get it out of the way. There's a lot of dark stuff in here, so take caution with reading. Also, please don't actually do anything that she does in this book. Breaking the laws aren't cool, okay? Good. Also, the song above is Jailhouse Rock by Elvis. It's very fitting, obviously.