Flaws To Your Perfect (PUBLISHED UNDER PAPERINK IMPRINTS)

Flaw #6

HINDI ko na mabilang kung ilang buntonghiniga na ba ang nagawa ko habang mag-isa akong nakatitig sa kisame ng kwarto ko. My mind keeps on coming back to that night. Pakiramdam ko ay nararamdaman ko pa hanggang ngayon ang mainit na yakap ni Paige mula sa likuran ko.

And I don't like what it does to me.

Hindi ko gustong ginugulo nito ang isip ko.

I know I'm a straight girl. I have nothing against people who prefers to people of their same gender but I was sure I'm not like them.

I was so sure not until Paige Bautista came into my life. Looking back to our first meeting, she already caught my attention. Back then, I just thought it was because she was really different from the usual people I meet.

But now? I'm not too sure anymore.

A gentle knock on my door stopped the rail of thoughts running inside my mind. It was then followed by my mom's gentle voice.

Huminga ako ng malalim bago tumayo mula sa pagkakahiga ng kama at nagmamadaling kinompose ang sarili bago harapin si Mommy.

I made sure that it was my brightest smile that welcomes her as soon as I opened the door of my room. My mother deserved all the beautiful things in life, after all that she and my father experienced way before they took my out of the orphanage back when I was two.

"Hi, baby!" she greeted and kissed my cheeks. She was still in her working clothes, a pair of grey office coordinates. I smiled at the thought that she came here as soon as she got home after a tiring trip.

"You're home, mom!" I cheered and hugged her tightly. She chuckled softly as she return my embrace.

"Si daddy po?" tanong ko habang nakayakap pa rin sa kanya.

"I'm here!" A deep voice yelp from behind making my mom laugh as she release me from her embrace.

My dad put down all those numerous paperbags he was carrying and just like what he always does back when I was a child everytime they come home from a business trip, he carried me and spin me around like a kid.

I chuckled hard as I tightened my hold on his arms as he slowly put me down.

"We missed you, anak!" he said as he stared at my face, thinking if he missed something.

He was always like that after he was gone even just for a week, he was so afraid to missed anything in my growth. I'll bet my life on it, my parents could've been good parents to their . . . deceased daughter.

They were even the best parents to me na ni katiting ng kanilang dugo ay wala, ano pa kaya iyong dugo't laman talaga nila?

"You've grown so much baby," malungkot na ungos ni Daddy na tinawanan lang namin ni Mommy bago ko sila inayang pumasok sa loob ng room ko.

"Si daddy naman! Three days lang tayong hindi nagkita, Dad," I said in a matter-of-a-fact tone as they both squeezed into my bed, sandwiching me in the middle as they cuddled with me.

Unan-unan namin ni Mommy ang isang braso ni dad habang pareho nila akong yakap.

"Three days without our beautiful daughter feels like three years!" OA na reklamo ni Daddy.

Attentive akong nakinig sa mga kwento nila ng mga ganap sa business trip nila. Kilalang figure sa corporate world ang mga magulang ko, especially my dad. People looked up to him for being one of the best when it comes to handling business. My mom on the other hand, was one of the starlights of the fashion industry. She used to be a well-known runway model, she retired early as soon as she married my dad though.

Hindi ko napansin na nag-space out pala ako not until I felt my mom sat beside me and pulled me closer to let me use her lap as a pillow. "Did something happen?" she asked.

I don't really know how to answer that, mom.

"Teagan?" Dad's worried tone made me smile before I squeezed my self closer to my mother's tummy.

Would I be more comfortable to talk about it with them if I actually came from her womb?

"You know you can tell us anything right? Hindi kami magagalit," malambing na saad ni Mommy while gently stroking my hair.

Suminghot ako bago umiling at mas siniksik lang ang sarili sa may tiyan niya.

I can't do that. I can't be a disgrace to this family my parents worked hard to build. I can't be the only flaw in this family I so love. Hindi pwede.

"Namiss ko lang kayo, Mom, Dad." My voice is muffled as I buried my face on my mother's stomach, I was silently praying they won't notice how my voice was starting to crack.

This is really wrong, Teagan.

I would be their downfall if this really happen. Isa pa, walang kasiguraduhan kay Paige. She probably only see me as a friend. Malamang ako lang itong iba.

Marami akong kakilalang members ng LGBTQ na sobrang hirap ng mga pinagdadaanan dahil lamang sa tunay nilang pagkatao. And I . . . I didn't want that.

I want my life as is. I want this perfect life of mine to remain . . . perfect.

Maybe this was just confusion. A phase everyone was silently undergoing through before they finally understood na hindi naman talaga.

Maybe Paige was just being too present around me lately. Masyado kasing punong-puno ng presensya niya ang araw-araw ko lately dahil nga naging close na rin siya sa iba ko pang mga kaibigan.

Maybe I just needed to step back a little. Distance my self a bit away from me? Maybe all of these would be gone soon enough. Maybe I was just looking at it too much, sometimes overthinking leads to confusion.

So all I need to do is distance myself from her, right? But that was easier said than done.

Becausenow, Paige was standing in front of me. Staring at me sharply as if I didsomething wrong. "What's your problem,Teagan? Bakit mo 'ko iniiwasan?"