MY YEARS WITHOUT YOU

Part 25-Lonely

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Amara's POV

It had only been my first few months as a married woman, and all I could feel was loneliness.

All I could do was remember moments with him.

It was surprising that all the very good times Nathan and I had was before we got married.

I could feel his laughter and touch even in his absence.

His last touch which was the night before he was convicted.

A night that I would have to always remember as the last time I got intimate with my husband.

I knew the next 15 years was going to be tough. But then, these first few weeks without Nathan seemed tougher.

I recalled his worried and lean look after he was bailed.
I could see the fear and uncertainty in his eyes.

I knew he felt helpless and so did I.

He hugged me so tight like that was going to be the last time he would do so.

I saw how hard he worked in a week, just to make things right for the next 15 years. But was that enough?

How at every point, he wanted to get intimate.
Even though I was angry with him for giving up so early on the fight, I couldn't say no to him.

That week felt toxic for me, it was like everything was being forced, from the laughter to the love he showered on me, just everything.

Now, each day that passed was not without me thinking about him and how was doing in there.

What was life like for him?.
I imagined him getting out looking all old from the stress of a hard life.

How bad it was that he has to suffer for so long even though he was innocent.

I cried my eyes out just thinking about him and all he might be possibly going through.

"It must be hard for you right?"
I felt a hand hold me as I was startled in fear.

I wiped my eyes in pretence as I looked up seeking composure.

"How..how long have you been here?" I stammered looking her in the eyes.

"Long enough to see those tears drop consistently from your eyes, and to think that you didn't even realize that I was here" Nma said as she drew closer to me.

I looked away from her and let those tears drop again , this time more.

"Hey hey, Please don't do this now okay?" She said as she drew me into her chest.

I cried more this time.

"It's really hard, I don't think I can do this Nma" I said as she let loose.

"Yes you can, if you really want to"

I was silent, that wasn't what I wanted to hear.

I wanted someone to tell me how strong they think I was.
To tell me, I was the first married woman to be without her husband in the first few weeks of her marriage.

I don't know why, but for some reason that was all I wanted to hear.

"How did you even get in?" I asked wiping my eyes.

"You left your door open,you know you have to be careful since you are the only one here at the moment" she said.

"I know" I replied as I looked round the big house which was now in my name.

"I feel so so lonely, like sometimes I feel endangered in here" I continued.

"You can get someone to stay with you. Maybe your mum or someone else. You know I would have come over ,but John might not be okay with it" she said.

I smiled.

"Yeah, I know. My mum volunteered to come over, but I don't want her to. She might get so worried seeing me like this everyday"

"I mean, look at you Amara, you've grown so lean" she said as she held my wrist in between her thumb and index finger to show me how lean I had become.

I smiled and said nothing.

"Let me make you something to eat. I'm not sure you've been eating" she said as she stood to go to the kitchen.

But I held her arm as she stood up.

"Nma, I'm so sorry I couldn't make it to your wedding. I wasn't there when you needed me the most. Even though you've always been here for me in these trying times" I said calmly, my voice filled with guilt.

"Hey, it's okay Amara." She said as she sat back.

"I understand you. I mean my wedding was on the same day as Nathan's hearing. I would have also loved to be there for you during Nathan's hearing too.
Don't get yourself worked up. The most important thing is that we are here for each other now"

"No, you've always been the one there for me .Thank you so much" I said holding her hand.

She just smiled and let my hand go as she left for the kitchen.

My mind strayed to Nathan's hearing. How his eyes were fixed on me as they dragged him out of the court.
The lawyer was right , it was 15 years.

If I was in doubt, I had only just realized how much Nathan loved me and wanted a better life for me while he was away.

He put me as the manager of his assets until he is released. He wanted my life to be fair while he was away.

But I wanted more than just a fair life, I wanted a family.
I wanted children and as it seemed, I might not be able to have any if I decide to wait till he gets out.

"Who's there?" Nma called out as she came out from the kitchen to get the door.

I must have been lost in my thoughts that I didn't hear the person knock.

I heard her open the door for whoever it was and I found myself feeling dizzy and unconscious of my environment.

My heard felt very heavy and my sight was blur.

I heard Nma and someone else rush towards me.
The last thing I remember was Nma calling me persistently.

Ah guys, Wahala be like Bicycle oh.

Who knows what's happening?

Who do you think came visiting?

There's a gift for whoever predicts right💃.

See you guys later.😘