All Over Again

| Chapter Twenty-Nine |

"T? You home?" Ruth called out into the apartment. She dropped everything by the front door with a tired sigh, her body already aching from the exercise she didn't ask for.

"Kitchen!" Terry shouted back.

Using her sniffling nose, Ruth followed the waft of homemade stew until she found herself in the entrance of the kitchen. Terry was off for the day, and seeing as how the weather was starting to change, she thought it would be a good idea to make some nice soup for the week. Even though they hadn't talked very much since the whole Raffo conversation at Uncle Rickey's, it was nice to know she was still looking out for her.

"How was school?" Terry asked, her hazel eyes glancing over at Ruth curiously.

Ruth shrugged. She leaned her throbbing body against the counter, transferring her weight off of her screaming heels. "School's school. I played some basketball afterwards though, which wasn't too bad."

Terry tensed. She tried to hide it behind a smile, but Ruth wasn't a fool to the strain, and she found herself frowning in response. "Oh? With Raffo?"

"Yeah," she admitted, trying to sound indifferent to her cousin's silence. Terry hummed in response and looked back to her soup. She kept her focus on the stirring of the ladle, occasionally adding seasoning here and there if it needed it. As much as Ruth wanted to ignore the uncertainty in her gut, she knew she had to have an uncomfortable conversation with her about it soon, so why not just get it out of the way? "Are you- I mean . . . is that okay?"

Terry's gaze snapped over to her again. Though her voice was controlled, there was a sharp tremor in her question. "Why are you asking me if it's okay?"

"Because you seem so . . . I don't know. Weird about it I guess? And I'm just trying to understand everything better so it's not weird between us."

"It's not weird between us."

"Terry, you wear everything on your face. I know Mirana's your friend, and I respect that. But I think you both forget that Raffo chose me too," Ruth tried not to wince at the harshness of her words, but they needed to be said. "It's his feelings. Shouldn't he get to decide what to do with them?"

There was a ripple of discomfort in the short pause between them.

"I know he chose you, and you chose him," Terry eventually agreed quietly, biting her lip. "And I'm honestly really happy for you guys to see where things go while you're still here, Ruth. Raffo deserves someone as fucking wonderful as you. You know you're practically a sister to me and I'd never wish anything but the best for you."

The while "you're still here" part stung, but she didn't comment on it and instead replied, "But?"

"I just . . . she's been in love with him for so long, I just thought he'd eventually give her a real chance," she admitted. Ruth's heart burned at that, but she still listened intently. "They've helped each other overcome some really bad shit and- I don't know. It's hard to see someone you love so . . . sad. Especially when you're happy that the person they're sad over is seeing your cousin."

"I know, T. I don't know what it's like to love someone, but I do know what it's like to care deeply for someone who wants someone else. It's shitty and isn't fair."

"But that doesn't mean it's fair for either of you to put that on Raffo, or on me," Ruth added, her voice gentle though her words are serious. "We're both adults and can choose who we want to be with just like anyone else. Can you imagine how you'd feel if someone said Johnny would be better off with Jana because Jana loved him? Or loved him longer?"

Terry's eyes rounded in shock, whirling around to face Ruth with the ladle practically bobbing in the soup now. "How did you know that I-"

"T, it's pretty obvious."

"Ugh- don't tell me that," she groaned. It took her a second, but Ruth's other words eventually settled in, and she winced from the digestion of them. "I didn't mean to make you feel like that, Ruth. You're my family and of course I care about your and Raffo's happiness. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like yours mattered less than hers. I wasn't trying to do that.

"And you're right," she added, pinching at her bottom lip with her thumb and forefinger. "You and Raffo are grown people who have the right to be with whoever you want. Without anyone's permission."

"And I don't say that because I don't like Mirana. I like her and I think she's one of the sweetest girls on that entire campus. But her feelings shouldn't trump mine, no matter how long they've known each other," Ruth interjected, pulling the ladle out of the soup to rinse it off.

Terry's gaze was apologetic, a remorseful smile crossing her lips. "You're right, Ruthie. I really am sorry that I made you feel that way. Forgive me?"

Ruth flicked water at her, a grin already making its way on her face. "Apology accepted."

And that was that on some grown girl shit.

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