Requiem for a King [MxM]

Don't Cry For Me

Jaredeth was no stranger to anxiety. Even before he was King, he kept to himself more, kept his friend circle small and kept in comings and goings as quiet as he could out of fear that he'd do something to put the royal house in a negative light.

The media touted him as diligent and responsible because that was all he showed them. Whenever he'd gotten drunk, he did so within the confines of the castle. Whenever he took someone to warm his bed, he made his terms clear, set expectations. And if they couldn't agree with said expectations, then he sent them away. Both from him and the castle.

But all of that paled in comparison to what he was about to face now. He squared his shoulders as the guard opened the door to the dungeons. One went in ahead of him, holding a torch aloft to light the way. He passed the members of the former council in their cells awaiting trial.

Jaredeth didn't spare them a second glance. He instead set his eyes ahead and followed the guard to the cell at the very end. The previous night, he'd laid awake in bed for hours, thinking, crying. There were unresolved feelings he needed to sort out.

He took the torch from the guard and waved them away, but they stayed within actionable reach. Elaine sat in the furthest corner of her cell, dressed in a cotton smock. Her knees were drawn to her chest and her head was atop them. Her hair was matted on one side and sticking out at odd angles on the other.

Jaredeth didn't know what to say. He'd rehearsed all the ways he'd approach her, most of them included yelling and tears. But now, standing here, seeing her again since he made his official return, he didn't know what to say.

"Are you just going to stand there?" Elaine lifted her head, and the torchlight flickered off the dark circles around her eyes and the pallid pallor of her skin. "What brings the great king of Avaly to the cage of one as lowly as I?"

Jaredeth ignored her scalding words. "I just need to know why. I thought." He fisted his hands at his sides. He wouldn't cry in front of Elaine. "I gave you everything I could. I loved you more fiercely than I ever thought I could love another. I gave you all the privileges that came with my station. I built a family with you. Why Elaine? Did you even love me?"

She looked away. "Gods, you're so naïve. Does anyone ever marry for love? Your parents hated each other. Your grandfather stepped out on your grandmother. My parents groomed me in the ways of high society and put in a position to marry above my station."

"So our marriage was just another novelty to you. All the privilege with none of the emotional baggage."

"You would've stepped out on me eventually too, and I wasn't about to set myself up to have my heart broken. So I set myself up to accrue as much authority as I could instead. The moment your mother told me I'd have no power, I made it my mission to prove her wrong."

Jaredeth wasn't sad anymore. Now he was disgusted. All those smiles, looks of adoration, the kisses. It had all been fake. "And look where it's landed you. A far fall from grace. From the towers to the dungeons."

"And under the executioner's axe? I knew you were cold beneath all that fake bravado. It just needed to be dragged out of you."

"No, Elaine, I'm not like you," he corrected. "I'm not like that snake of a High Priest you kowtowed to. Whatever your fate will be is decided by my Council. May the gods have mercy." He went to turn away, but stopped when she grabbed the sleeve of his coat.

The guards, who stood a ways down the corridor, reached for their swords, but he raised a hand to stop them.

"What about our daughter?" Elaine begged. "You just plan to raise her on your own? Little girls need their mothers, Jaredeth."

He arched a brow. "You were fine with her growing up without me."

"But our little girl—"

"My daughter," Jaredeth corrected, wrenching himself free of her grasp. "Will be fine." He turned and started down the corridor. He had nothing left to say to Elaine, but part of him was relieved he'd finally gotten to talk to his ex-wife. Now he'd feel no remorse when her fate was decided. His mind was at ease and his conscience was clear.

Jaredeth climbed his way back into the castle and up to the top floor. As he passed Quintus' door, he heard the familiar click-clack of him fiddling with his crucifix. A little detour before he headed to his meeting couldn't hurt. He knocked.

The click-clack paused. "Come in."

Jaredeth met Quintus latching the last case to the top of his crucifix. The rest of the room was immaculate. The bed made, the tables cleared, the hearth free of wood or ash. No traces that anyone had occupied it remained. A thousand icy needles pierced his skin, and a lump formed in his throat.

Quintus stood and shouldered his crucifix. "Hi."

"You're leaving," Jaredeth said, before he could think better of the words. His gaze moved from the crucifix, to Quintus' face and back. He didn't understand. Why would Quintus blindside him with this now? They'd finally gotten to a better place, a place where they could and understand each other.

Quintus looked at his toes. "I am. Remember what I said about not staying in one place for too long? Well, it's time for me to move on."

He shook his head, but the action was involuntary. "What about the bone dragon?"

"I've done all I can for you on that front. It's up to whether or not Octavia makes it in time. I've told you what to do should she not. You have three necromancers. They can keep the spores at bay while you all hunker down."

Jaredeth swallowed his tears. He would not cry, even with the fire erupting in his chest and the despair weighing on his shoulders. He would not cry. "So that's it for us? After all we shared. It meant nothing to you?"

"I didn't say that. I... I enjoyed our time together. But it can't last. It couldn't last." Quintus looked up at him, and his dark eyes were filled with turbulence and turmoil. "I'm sorry. It's better for this to happen now than later."

"Just help me understand, please. Why can't it last? Is it because of me? Because of this forbidden city nonsense? It can change, Quintus. Avaly can change. I can make this the most welcoming place for you and others like you, if that's what you want." He hated how desperate he sounded, but he couldn't take anymore heartache. Not now. And he wasn't above begging.

Quintus breathed a sigh through his nose. "It has everything to do with me and nothing to do with you or Avaly. I just... have to go. I wish you all the best with your reign, your majesty." He brushed past Jaredeth and stopped by the door. "Don't cry for me. I don't deserve it."

Jaredeth waited until it slammed shut behind him before he sank to his knees on the floor. Don't cry. Don't cry. He wrapped his arms around himself as though they could hold the tears in. There was a room full of people gathering downstairs to hear him. They expected a sound mind and even sounder judgement. He couldn't go down there like this.

So when tears stun his eyes, he squeezed them shut. When the fire of loss ignited in his chest, he breathed to abate its heat. And when despair threatened to crush him, he steeled his spine.

He had to be strong. He had to be King.