Tara Ahuja's Golden Rules

10: Something Once Broken...

My father always told me that something that was once broken will never be as good, even when fixed. That was one of his golden rules, actually. Although he was saying this in the context of household items.

Whatever the case, his words always stuck with me, even with non-household items.

Ezra's and I's relationship was once broken. It was worse than broken actually, it was entirely demolished. Our new relationship was going to be complicated, to say the least.

Maybe some parts would be completely like before. Like the way that we didn't have to even say words and could make each other laugh; the way he could essentially read my mind, and most importantly, the immense care we had for one another.

However, even if this was the case, it would be hard to ignore the presumed louder deficiencies of our relationship. We definitely couldn't really freely talk like we used to. It would be hard to know what topics would trigger what. There would be an overbearing elephant in the room; I'm sure even you know what I am referring to.

Maybe I was generalizing too quickly. We had just reunited and I was basing this all on our small conversation.

I reached home at nine thirty, earlier than I was told. Before I left, I changed out of my skirt and threw on some sweatpants and a hoodie. I know this all seemed ridiculous, but those were just the precautions I had to take.

I walked through a dark alley to get home. Ezra insisted on giving me a ride, but I refused. I knew that would be too risky.

I entered my house through the kitchen door. The lights were on and I immediately met eyes with Ajit and Varun.

My stomach sunk. Why was Varun here after the carnival?

Ajit stood up, and sternly said, "So, how was it?"

I felt my breathing become uncontrollable. I snuck a glance towards Varun, who appeared normal. I felt myself heating up. His tone suggested that he was annoyed. Varun must've told him everything.

Ajit raised an eyebrow, "Did you finish the project or not?" he asked.

My mind immediately calmed. I took an inner sigh of relief. Varun furrowed his eyebrows at me.

"Uh, no," I said, cautiously.

Ajit's stare hardened, "No?" he challenged.

I knew what game he was playing. He wouldn't outsmart me that quickly. "No," I affirmed, "It's a semester-long project."

Ajit nodded in an amused manner, as if he expected me to slip up. I wasn't an amateur.

"Good," Ajit simply said.

Him and Varun scurried off upstairs, allowing me to finally breathe and collapse onto our living room couch. Holy fuck, that was nerve wrecking.

This was all insane and completely uncalled for. Why couldn't I just have a normal life? Normal parents, a normal brother, a normal love life. Why was loving someone as a young person so looked down upon. I had a lot of emotions, and a lot of love to give to people and I was shamed for it.

I watch these movies of these girls crying to their moms after break-ups. Movies of their brothers and dads fighting those boys and them all cheering up the girl. Why couldn't I have that? I vowed that that's what I would be for my daughter. That is, if my future husband wouldn't be like my current family.

So, as you know, Punjabi girls are often forbidden to speak to or discuss boys, (hence my golden rule), yet eventually the family also wants that girl to get married. So, how does that work?

Well, either the girl miraculously finds an excellent boy in her late twenties (her marrying age) or she doesn't, and she must settle for an arranged marriage. An arranged marriage is a marriage set up by her parents and the future spouse's parents. There's no love; it is simply a transaction. Those two will get married, pop out some kids and live a loveless life.

Tragic, isn't it? It was/is the reality for many of our women. My own mother, even. Sure, you start to grow acquainted and could perhaps even grow a love for the stranger you married, but it was just something I never wanted. I wanted loved, the real kind, the one I acquired. I never wanted to force someone to love me; that's how I felt my entire life.

They always say "you can't choose your family" but in a way, you can. You can choose your future family. Well, that is, if you're lucky.

I've seen tropes romanticize this love arrangement. The classic marriage trope, it just isn't like that, though. I hated that trope.

My phone buzzed, and I grabbed it. It was a text from Ezra that read, "I had a great time tonight, can't wait to catch up. Sleep tight."

My face took on a smile, as I held the phone to my chest. I replied to his message saying, "Couldn't agree more, looking forward to it, good night."

I shut my eyes and just relished in a positive moment for once, but, you know, in Tara Ahuja's life that never lasts.

I heard a large thud against a wall upstairs. My stomach dropped. I began immediately running upstairs, not caring about what I would see up there. I was running with my mind centered on Varun.

I rushed into Ajit's room, and slammed the door open. I took in the scene in front of me.

Ajit stood in front of a busted wall. The wall took the shape of his bruised fist. Varun stayed sitting on an office chair, unfazed.

"Ajit!" I yelled, rushing over to him, "What did you do?"

He scoffed, "Nothing," he said, backing away, holding his fist, "Go away."

The audacity he had to be showing me attitude right now. I looked over at Varun for an explanation, but Varun refused to meet my eyes. What the hell happened?

I bought the inner urge of just asking Varun in front of Ajit, but since I didn't know what this fight was about, I couldn't act so quickly. What if the fight was about me? Who knows what goes on in Ajit's deranged mind.

"Tara, go away," Ajit repeated.

I didn't move.

He wiped his bloody fist with a t-shirt. "Can't you see we're just upset that we lost the game, just leave."

It wasn't the truth, but I didn't think it was worth finding out about in the moment. So I left.

Ajit needed some serious help. There was something wrong with him. Why was he having so many violent outbreaks all of the sudden? Was he mentally stable? Him lashing out was causing me severe stress too. I had to talk to Varun, and sort out whatever this was.