Tara Ahuja's Golden Rules

16: Betrayal

The first face I saw on campus the next day was an utterly disenchanting one. It was Dahlia.

The raven-haired girl flashed me a smile and waved at me. I mustered up a smile, and forced myself to wave back. I feel a bit of guilt within me. Dahlia seemed so nice, and I was quick to just hate her just because I thought Varun had taken an interest in her.

That may as well be true, and it still stung, but that wasn't Dalia's fault. I guess sometimes I like to see myself as the victim, and like to see girls like Dahlia as the ultimate problem. My mind just assumes that they're girls who effortlessly get whatever they want and whoever they want. I feel like that at times.

She fit the beauty standard, but worse, she seemed nice too. She was all of that, and I was none of it. Guys wanted girls like Dahlia. Girls like her got guys like Varun easily. They got immensely sweet and handsome guys. They retire together, have a bunch of kids, and are completely devoted to each other. Love that is shown in movies and books. Girls like Dahlia got that.

So, it was easy to hate girls like her. To find any fault with within her and run with it. Knowing all this, something in me still hated her and another part of me hated that I hated her. It was all a mess.

She walked past me, and I rushed to my business class.

***

I felt Ezra's eyes on me throughout the duration of class. I rushed out of the classroom after class ended, and he followed behind me.

"Hey," Ezra said, while walking with me.

"Hi, let's head to a bench," I suggested.

When we sat at the bench, Ezra did not try to initiate the conversation. I couldn't help but notice that he kept looking at me as if I were as fragile as glass.

After about a minute, Ezra finally spoke, "I'm sorry about the other day."

I exhaled, "It's okay, Ezra," I said.

"It's really not though, it's why you're mad at me," Ezra said.

I didn't know what to say to that. Yes, part of me did feel irked by what he did, but I didn't really want him to know that for some reason. I didn't want him to think that his nice action filled some jealousy within me. It didn't seem right.

"I'm not mad about that Ezra I just kind of needed some space," I said.

Ezra nodded, "Well, I'm sorry, anyways," he said.

I stayed quiet for a moment, "Well... thank you for that," I said, sincerely.

Ezra smiled, as he outstretched his arms. He was asking for a hug indirectly and I gave in. I scooted closer to him, and let myself be enclosed by his arms.

Something felt off, though. I didn't feel this familiar sense of comfort that I always did from Ezra and his hugs. I stayed in his arms, but I didn't feel myself melting into them and I thought that was odd.

Ezra pulled away and observed my reaction. I don't know what he was expecting, but I gave a very neutral expression.

"I just feel so bad the days we don't talk, "Ezra started, he looked around and then looked up, "I don't want you to feel like you don't have anyone to talk to."

It was sweet of him to say that, but it wasn't entirely true. I didn't want him to feel like he had the burden of being the only one I could express my feelings to. "Don't feel bad, I had Varun those days. He could be a good friend."

It was true. Varun lends a good ear, even though sometimes he did make me feel bad about certain things, like talking to Ezra, but I guess that was justified.