Karma x Nagisa: Love Hurts BoyxBoy

Part 10

Karma POV

Sitting with Okuda and eating lunch felt....off. There was no talking or laughing like there was with Nagisa and me. It was stuffy and awkward. And while the silence stretched on, I couldn't do anything but think of Nagisa. What was he doing? Did those stupid guys me with him today? Was he all alone right now - eating a silent lunch, the same as me? When I thought these things I had to fight the urge to jump up and look for him, to wipe away any of the sad loneliness that seems to always welcome him with open arms and a knife.

"H-hey Karma-kun?"

"Yes Okuda-kun?"

"I was wondering if instead of a double date, it could just be the two of us?" she says looking down, blush tinting her cheeks.

I take a minute and think. I don't think I am really attracted to her in a romance sort of way. I have never really looked at anyone in that sort of way.
Whenever I thought of my ffuture, it was always just me and...Nagisa.

I actually wanted to talk to you about our date. I don't think I can go on a date with you. I wanna say before I can change mind. I can't believe it took me so long to realize the only person I can see in my life for the long run is Nagisa. Too bad that's not what I said. Instead I said,

"Sure. I'm cool with that." I say. There isn't really a me and Nagisa right now. Besides I'm not gay. I can't kiss Nagisa or do things that couples do because I don't like guys. I don't.

"Okay. Th-thanks Karma-gun." she says and smiles at me. I take a long look at her. Am I really attracted to her?

The rest of lunch was silent, with Okuda sneaking glances at me and me sneaking at the clock.

Son the bell rings and Okuda smiles at me before going to her seat.

Nagisa comes in a little bit later and sits down just before the bell rings. We used to always get here earlier. It was me  who reminded us to come in early, so we weren't late. Just one failure after another, huh Karma?

Class goes on as usual. I don't pay attention because I know i will be able to get it later on. I start thinking about how to make up with Nagisa, but I realize that I dont know what i did wrong.

All I did was state my sexuality like he did the day before and tell him that he shouldn't go on a date with Kayano when he knows that he doesn't see her lke that and he got mad.

I know that I probably shouldn't have butted into his love life, but something just possessed me.

I didn't want him to date anyone, especially not the girl who has obviouisly liked him since the 3rd grade, not some guy who will come alpong sooner or later and sweep him off his feet. I just wanted him to stay with me for a little while longer.

Without guys or girls.

Without parents or teachers

I just wished I knew what that meant for us?

Nagisa POV

Sitting in my seat, I can feel Kayano and Karma staring at my back. Don't ask me how I knew it was them, but I did. And it makes me nervous. Karma could mad at me for storming away and plotting revenge. He us pretty awesome at thinking up ways to make people suffer.

Kayano could be thinking of new way to ask me out, that may or may not involve pushing get barely there boobs against my chest and batting her eyelashes in an 'attractive' way. All it really is is scary. I was so preoccupied with thinking about this that I didn't pay any attention to Koro-sensei. Which really sucks because I am not good enough in school to be able to ignore what Koro-sensei and still pass.

Not to mention my while body aching from the beating delivered to me by my crazy and delusional mother.

This is just not shaping up to be a good week. Or day. All I really want is to go somewhere secluded where there is no mom that I gotta help, or boy problems, or girl problems. Just me and maybe the ocean and a special someone to cuddle with. I don't think it's too much to ask.

But then again, maybe it is. I'm not really supposed to be here, not like this. I was supposed to be a girl. And dead. Life never really turns out the way you want it to, does it? If it did I would be with Karma and  Ayano would realize I didn't like her and would leave me alone. Okuda would like anyone but Karma.

Soon the bell rings and I stand resigned to the fact I am walking alone and quickly duck my head and rush out of the class. I decide to go to the park. Home doesn't seem very homey right now. Sitting by the tree should be just what I need to feel better though.

Except its doesn't. This tree has always been one of my safe havens. Somewhere that Karma and I would come whenever we needed to be with eachother.

But right now all it does is make me remember that Karma probably hates me right now. I mean, I would. He understood about me being gay, no questions asked, yet when he blurts out a fact that I already knew about him, I get mad and storm away like a child.

I have to find a way to make it up to him. I don't think I can survive life without him. Even if will never love me in the way I love him, his friendship with me is more important than that.

And I will do anything to make it right again.

Dear readers,
Thank you for reading up until now. I have 10.2 k readers and I never thought so many people would like my writing. I know it is probably really annoying when it takes me a long to update, but please bear with me because I am trying to get better at it.

With lots of love,

NotInvisibleGirl