I'm Not Crazy

~8~ What the Holy Fracking Hell was that Crap?

One pill makes you larger,
And one pill makes you small
And the ones that mother gives you
..don't do anything at all.

White Rabbit ~ Jefferson Airplane

👽👽👽

Friday -May 29- 1:53 PM

When I wake up the next morning after my meltdowm, I find a welcomed sight to my sore eyes. My father's golden wings are safely back in hand again as if by magic. During the night I must have gripped them so tight, that the wingtip pinons have made deep depression dents into my palms. But even so, I am truly thankful for the pain.

Because that pain means I am back in the real and not still stuck in the surreal. With all that nightmarish craziness, whatever the hell that was? It was only just a really bad dream. Maybe the most horribly realistic nightmare I have ever endured? But in the end, just another horrible nightmare in a long line of night terrors before it.

I am just so damn happy that my Wings are safe in my grasp, and that I can finally breathe right again. I wipe the sleep out of my eyes and glance over at the alarm clock for the time. Only to see it blinking back at me. 00:00...00:00...00:00.

"Oh my god, the stupid power went out again...we're late for school!" I pop up in bed and straight into the blinding bright molten sunlight, streaming through the ornate stained-glass oculus arch above the window to my room.

The scintillating slivers of honeysuckle sunlight spike right through my eyes. Slicing their way into the back of my brain, where they bloom into molten lava lotus flower of pure pain. As the flower of pain takes root and fans out, each sharp petal shard stabs into a different pain place in my brain. I can barely stifle a scream, throwing my arm up to cover my eyes. Squeezing them shut into narrow slits, to fight off the unrelenting sunlight, as it tries to burn into my skull.

In the shade of my arm, my vision slowly starts to recede back from blindingly bright to merely sparkly. Like a million flecks of rose gold TV static are buzzing around in the walls of my tunnel vision. Which is when I first take note that there is one of those big cotton ball things taped to a huge black bruise in the crook my arm. And I am starting to get a really bad feeling that all the nightmares I endured weren't really dreams at all ...they were the real deal.

"What the hell happened to me...yesterday?" I croak out.

I try to focus on remembering something useful, but my brain feels like the aftermath of a Fourth of July fireworks show. Flashes of memories are seared into my skull, but none of them are making any sequential sense at the moment. Visions of digging my way into hell chasing after the demon that stole my father's wings. Then screaming my soul out, purging myself of my sins before the Crow King. Even trying to unwind the knots in my mind feels like my head is slowly being twisted around like taffy.

I suddenly have to seriously pee badly. So I push through the pain and force myself to slowly ease out of bed, and away from the unrelenting sunlight. Until I am finally standing tall, reeling back and forth a little bit, as my vision is still doing the sparkly in the shade of my crooked arm. The rock and roll of merely standing up is followed by some super swirling nauseous whirlpool of vertigo.

Yeah, I don't think I like being on drugs very much?

"Sam are you awake?" My mother suddenly comes slithering around the corner with a shy smile. She maneuvers right into my room uninvited, in order to be super supportive and shit.