I'm Not Crazy

~21~ Over-Preparing for a Little Psychological Warfare

I got ta' maintain
'Cause a clown like me is goin' insane
Insane in the membrane!
Insane in the brain!

Cypress Hill ~ Insane 

🤡🤡🤡

Thursday- June 4th

So on the deal with the devil front, today is the last official day of our offical suspension sabbatical. Unfortunately for me, it is also my second scheduled session of actual therapy. At this point in my crazy life, I don't bother even protesting The'rapy. I just embrace the suck, after all a deal is a deal. So instead of trying to avoid the inevitable, I've decided to tackle the problem head-on. Just like I would any school assignment that I don't really want to do.  

As usual, I am up early at the crack of dawn, way before anyone else in the Madhouse. Back on online searchings the universal answering machine. Asking it all kinds of questions, in preparation to beat The'rapist at her own psychological warfare games. The top of my Searchings list is panic versus anxiety attack, and low and behold there are literally a shitton of unhelpful articles.

Most which pretty much all boil down to one main message: Anxiety is not good, but a full-blown Panic attack is way worse. Oh, and if you have to ask us about this shit? You or someone you know is seriously screwed up! So go get help before your brain breaks and its too late to fix you, ya Lunatic!!!  

I do however find one article that is almost helpful. Complete with a full-on checklist for self-diagnosis for the possible sufferer. The article is written by some psychologist and is endorsed as "Reviewed by a board-certified Physician". Which I take to mean, the information contained within is kinda-sorta loosely based on actual science, more or less?

"The terms Anxiety attack and Panic attack are often used interchangeably to mean the same thing. In this sense, the difference is purely a matter of semantics and duration. The onset of panic attacks cannot be predicted, and the severity and intensity of symptoms associated with panic attacks can be mistaken for serious physical illnesses such as heart attacks, and those suffering from panic attacks may frequently go to hospital emergency rooms." (Check ✔- Oh yeah, been there done that.)

During a panic attack, the symptoms are sudden and extremely intense. Symptoms usually occur "Out of the Blue," and can last anywhere from 5 minutes up to 1 hour or longer. During a panic attack, you may lose control of yourself, and it may seem like things happening around you aren't real. (Check ✔- Okay, and B-O-N-E that noise. Cause me and my Magic Hand had some seriously surreal quasi-hallucinations involving the Crow King and Hell.)

Symptoms of a Panic Attack include but are not limited to:

Chest Pains - Heart palpitations, pounding heart, or accelerated heart rate, chest pains. (Check ✔)

Difficulty Breathing - Sensations of shortness of breath, smothering, feeling of choking. (Check ✔)

Physical Responses - Excessive sweating, trembling or shaking, nausea or abdominal distress, feeling dizzy, unsteady, lightheaded, or faint. numbness or tingling sensations (paresthesias), chills or hot flashes. (Check'ish ✔ - I mean I did puke up all over the hallway floor. And the ol' Magic Hand does seem fond of tingling some before it takes flight and smacks the shit out of people.)

Feelings of Unreality - "derealization" or being detached from oneself "depersonalization". Fear of losing control or going crazy, fear of dying.  (Check ✔ – The whole Magic Hands tunneling through my locker to hell thing comes to mind.)