I'm Not Crazy

~35~ Road trips and other things that blow chunks

Well, I'm so tired of crying
But I'm out on the road again
I ain't got no woman just to call my special friend
And my dear mother left me when I was quite young
She said "Lord, have mercy on my wicked son"

Canned Heat ~ On the Road Again

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Thursday ~ June 18th

It's been a cereal weird couple of days for sure around the ol' Casa of Crazy ever since my first almost murder. Although we don't call it an almost murder anymore, now we call it "The Big Knife Fight". You know, so as to distinguish out from all the other smaller knife fights?

For starters, there is an odd air of tension in the Madhouse. As if we are all waiting for the storm to strike between Billy and Tommy. But in typical Crazy fashion no one says anything about it, for fear of setting off the shit storm that we all can feel is on the horizon. So the tension just hangs there in the air and we all just intentionally ignore it. Not unlike Tommy's slowly healing black eye ...not that it's fat or anything.

The lines of communication between the savages have adjusted according to the new unspoken alignment of the factions. I talk to Stevie, then Stevie talks to Tommy. Tommy speaks to me occasionally in passing. But it seems less like he is talking to me, than talking through me at Billy. Billy only talks to me when he has something to say back, which is not very often. Connie just ignores us all and does whatever Sheriff Buddy tells him to do. Which in my case is to make sure my crazy ass gets to The'rapy on the days in need to bare my soul to a stranger.

I think that somehow they have figured out that I won't argue with Connie anymore, so it's just easier for everyone that way. Buddy for his part seems to have adopted a let sleeping dogs lie approach to everything going on. And as usual, my mother is blissfully ignorant of everything going on around her. Which everyone seems to agree by osmosis is for the best.

So as far as I go? I've been trying to be a good Buddhist and walk the middle path right through the battlefield of warring factions of Crazy. With Billy still sleeping in a tent out with the dogs, I've been taking his meals out to him. He always seems sorta happy to see me, even though he's told me a couple of times I don't have to keep doing this for him. I keep insisting that I don't mind and that I kinda like hanging out in the nature. Even though secretly I consider this as my penance for being the casus belli of the big knife fight. Oh yeah, I guess denial is not just a river in Egypt after all?

As for my own sins? Well, even though I promised myself I would start rereading Harry Potter Hobbit and Lord Sauron's Stone, I have yet to finish Outlander. As a rule I just I hate to leave things undone? So every night I immerse myself in time-traveling adventure and hot highlander sex. The result of this is twofold, I have sex on the brain a lot, so I keep having reoccurring my moonlight dreams. After I wake up sweaty and slightly tingly, I do the water-splash-face thing.

The one upside of this is that I've decided that my Moonlight dreams are way better for me than visions of Angels of Death or getting cursed out again by the Crow King. Downside? I really do not trust that crazy fucking fairy version of me at all. So I rarely give her a second chance to get back where she left off.

Speaking of unhealthy relationships with strangers? I have also been forced into friendly'ish situation in the world of the waking as well. Another major change in the Madhouse since The Big Knife Fight is that Tommy's girlfriend Jinni is now a regular fixture around the madhouse now. She arrives shortly after Buddy and my mother leave for work. Then quickly disappears up into the attic with the rest of the bad flowers. Where she stays up in Tommy's attic making a lot of noise. Doing stuff I can only assume for him, on him, and to him. For at least a couple of hours before going away for the rest of the day.