'In the old days at home the Neverland had always begun to look a little dark and threatening by bedtime. Then unexplored patches arose in it and spread, black shadows moved about in them, the roar of the beasts of prey was quite different now, and...
i watch with tenderness those sweet little socked feet of pearly new ones strapped to their mothers, their lupine-pink legs swinging gently on the train. and as those lovely flowers dangle, i feel my cheeks grow hot and as i come up to a yellow sky i capture that orange orb, with feverish palms i feel this musty apocalyptic day sink to my bones. my heart pulses like it did the other night when we spiralled that island with flapping words in the headlights and peeling powdery laughter; in the dark i draw myself close and curl my limbs to me and my lips turn blue as i wake and see the jewels of sweat pooling at my belly. i remember how no one else felt my joy at the feather in the egg box, that little white wisp quite like home where we once gathered up ducklings in our nighties -- where once i lay sunspread on the patio of those honeymoon days, with my body trailed by sunlight and the small silhouettes of insects on my limbs, swatted away by mellow hands and that hot stifling breeze. (but now i see how not even he who said he loved me could give me so much as a birthday card) and the cake and candles (i'll remember that always) the sugared raspberries in crystal dishes and my child fingers ruby stained like that lupine-love on the train (i imagined all the kisses she got -- that precious thing) and each birthday grows more bitter and quieter yet i still use my baby fork with the little kangaroo and my bangle still fits my abused wrist -- and i miss those tickling kisses remembering those two at work, their hair whitening whilst he dropped a tender kiss on her tanned shoulder -- (then to think what a sad valentine you made me) and i bury it all if only for a night with acrid things in my mouth and diamonds soft as snow sparkling like the sugar melting in those crystal bowls which i lapped up with my tongue back when we were young.
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