Golden Arrow Reviews

Review #15: Their Elemental Curse

Reviewer: taz2327
Story: Their Elemental Curse by MomoOnTheGogo

The first thing I would like to applaud you on is your plot. I love the way you set up the book. It has almost a dystopian type feel to it. Story with powers and other fantasy things are my favorite to read because anything can happen. It keeps the reader engaged so I'm really happy that is what you chose. (My story The Mark is the same kind of thing)

I'm not a fan of begining a story with the main character waking up (always with an alarm clock) This happens in countless stories and is becoming a cliché. I think that you could start off the story in a more interesting position but that's just me.

In the first chapter I quickly realized that the main character talk to themselves a lot. (This can be unrealistic and in some cases it's unneeded) later I noticed that you sometimes use dialogue that is unneeded. Make sure that the dialogue furthers the plot.

Other than the excessive amount of dialogue used you have a way with words. Your natural flow of your writing is very prominent. Even as you keep writing it will become even better!

In my opinion your first few chapters are a bit boring. Then it progresses and becomes way more interesting. I just want to remind you that if anything isn't necessary to the plot leave it out or delete it.

Lastly I saw a few things that I thought were unprofessional. They aren't horrible but just little things like inner dialogue (like... oh, I'm so excited!) It isn't in quotes but it's almost a thought. I would explain excitement in a different way (Ex. I felt an excited pinch in my stomach). What I mean by unprofessional is you wouldn't see that in a published story.

Your story is absolutely wonderful👓❤ I'm glad that I read it. I forgot to vote on the last ones I read so I'll spam you with votes don't worry :) If you have any specific questions don't be afraid to pm me❤