Golden Arrow Reviews

Review #17: Trapped in the Ring

Reviewer: DeviledPotato
Story: Trapped in the Ring by LUCKYL00

Presentation:
I really like your description, it's vague enough to not reveal enough about the plot, but it catches your eye. Your cover is so well made. It is simplistic and very professional. Overall, your presentation is amazing and well thought out.

Introduction/prologue:
I think you could change your author's note at the beginning of your story into an introduction. To me, author's notes are more of an update when you don't have anything to post. An introduction fits what that part is about a lot better. I found your prologue slightly confusing. I think you could've used the nicknames until we learned their real names or mentioned their code names in respect to their real names at the end of the prologue.

Character development: Like I said before, with the code names and their real names, I found it at first a bit confusing. After reading on a bit, it became easier for me to tell who was who. Overall, I think you introduced a good amount of characters for you story not to be boring, but you also introduced their strengths a bit early. If you slowed down a bit with personality traits is would give us some more mystery and allow us to form a larger connection with your characters. Mia is a great example of how I would like it to progress. We only really know that she is quiet and barely noticeable at times. We don't know much more about her personality at the beginning, so it's easier to watch her character grow. In the end, this will lead to a stronger personality and a personality that's easier to remember.

Plot: Your plot is great, and compared to some of the others on Wattpad, I think you have something going. Your plot introduces events very well, your story is very easy to read. It goes at a good pace, not everything happens in the beginning. In the future, when you have more chapters, I would recommend applying for another review because I can't judge a plot very accurately without more to read.

Grammar/wording: Your grammar and vocabulary is great! I noticed no major mistakes and your vocabulary is definitely pretty strong. Your wording at times seemed a bit off, if you don't proofread your parts several times, I would recommend doing it at least 3 times.
  
Overall:
First of, I would like to say that I am so happy this story isn't a "Captured by the gang leader" cliche! Wattpad cliches are such a huge problem in the Wattpad community. Overall, I find your story very interesting and I will probably continue to read it.