HIS BEAUTIFUL SECRET (completed)

CHAPTER 11 - LOVE IS THE BEST MEDICINE

I finally went back to school, and Jenny was driving me as usual. I could never keep my walls up around her. She was my best friend and saw right through all my attempts to pretend like everything was ok. She had asked me to come over several times, but I always declined her invitation.

With each passing day, I could see the concern growing on her face. I couldn't blame her, with the roles reversed, it would have concerned me too. 

I passed my reflection day after day and saw the same person staring back at me. She was pale with black circles taking up permanent residence under her eyes. I tried to fake a smile. I did every single day, but my attempts always failed. Without my permission, the sadness seemed to always find its way back to my features.

I had tried so many times to eat, but each time, my stomach felt nauseous as soon as the food reached my mouth. The instant it entered, it felt like hot coals. I needed to spit out. It was as if there was an invisible guard keeping watch. Their entire job was preventing any nutrients from reaching my stomach.

Dad continued to master his disappearing act. The closest I came to spending time with him was feeling the warmth from the cup of coffee he left behind each day. When I drifted off at night, he would appear. That at least gave me some sense of peace, knowing he would come home. Without that, I would have been crawling out of my skin with fear. He had only left me alone for the entire night the one time.

What bothered me the most was the overwhelming feeling that I don't fit in anywhere. There was no purpose to my existence. I would hear people laughing and talking and I wanted to be part of it, but somehow, I was different.

I never felt comfortable in any circumstance or around anyone except Jenny and Jake. Without fail, I would always squirm under my skin. I would hope they wouldn't notice that I was a stranger trying to infiltrate their space. It was the loneliest feeling to not belong anywhere. I wanted to be wanted but knew it was beyond my reach.

Jake had been trying to check up on me, but I did not have the energy to let him into the mess that had become my life. It was nice of him to show concern, but there was no way he could ever understand. I still appreciated that he tried and wished that he could somehow make it all better.

Day after day, I spent my time alone in my room curled up in my bed. It took me by surprise when I heard a knock on the door one day. I didn't get up to answer it and assumed whoever it was would go away. I had gotten good at that maneuver.

To my surprise, I heard dad answer the door. That was a bit of a shock as I didn't even know he was home. I guessed he had finally made an appearance. I listened to determine who it was. It shocked me to hear a female voice.

They were having a lengthy discussion about something. As they got closer to my door, I realized that it was about me. I finally recognized the voice. It was Jenny's mom, Mrs. Christy.

I heard her pause at the door. It slowly opened to reveal her standing in my doorway. Jenny was hiding behind her. I could see that my dad had exited the conversation and retreated into the house.

This was the first time Ms. Christy had ever been inside my house and the thought of it freaked me out. I hated when people saw even the outside. To see the inside was like someone peeling off my armor, seeing me for who I was.

As they entered the room Jenny peeked out from behind her mom. "I'm sorry," she mouthed as her mom approached my bed and sat down. I watched her, not at all certain what was going on.

"Sky" she started. I tried to put a smile on my face. I wanted to hide all the darkness, but I failed. She looked at me with worry etched into her face and I could have sworn I saw a bit of guilt there too.