A Lovable Disaster

Chapter 16:Fire and ice

It seemed as if Joe had finally moved on from me and I was happy he had because even I believed he had a good heart and he deserved someone who truly loved him.

I know I was a jerk but at least I called him off before things got out of hand. I still kept blocking and unblocking him unable to decide what to do with him.

I kept daydreaming of magical stuff all the time and I wished I could just whisk away all my worries with a mere flick of my hand.

Life in movies and books are so less complicated than reality.

From the moment we are born,we are drawn to form a union with others,an abiding drive to connect,to love,to belong.In a perfect union we find the strength we cannot find in ourselves and we enter a state of pure bliss until love is tested.

It is then that things get complicated.

But sadness flies away on the wings of time and I soon found myself living again, maybe not happily but it was bearable.

Whenever I felt depressed,I studied, whenever I was reminded of Joe or Ryan,I studied,whenever my parents made me upset I studied.

My parents were another cause of my depression and schizophrenia.

I studied like a lot and I got fruitful results...maybe not perfect but also not too haywire. I expected people to leave me alone. It was the way I was.But things don't exactly go as expected.

My mom kept pressurizing me and talking unnecessary, repeating things I already knew and it annoyed me.

I know I probably sound like shit but I feel that just because my parents gave birth to me doesn't mean they are in control of me.

I'm a free spirit. I make my own decisions.Every child does after a certain point of time.

If we are denied the opportunity to make decisions and mistakes..what is the point in living?

What was their point of letting me see the light of this world?

______________________________

Ryan:When did I lie to u?

Me:Look at u..so innocent.. well u were in a relationship with her..did u think I'd never find out?y did u hide it from me anyways?

Ryan: I couldn't tell u and I didn't want to because you are noone to me.

I couldn't be broken further. The damage was already done. I laughed and cried at the same time.

Me:At least as a friend u could have told me.I heard u both broke up on Valentine's day?

Ryan:u don't know anything..
It happened before and I don't want to talk about it.

To keep secrets is like playing with fire..if u pass it on to someone u risk hurting the people it's meant for but if you keep it with you for too long you might get burnt.

Maybe he kept it a secret from me to avoid hurting me as he knew how I was.But he didn't realize not telling me the secret hurt me more.

I stopped talking to Ryan.It was months later in March when my exams were over and I was free that he texted me.

Ryan:Can we meet?

I looked at the message..once twice thrice... I couldn't believe what I was seeing..

Was this a prank?Would I go to the place to find him not there and come back disappointed?Would I get stood up?

Me:umm...ok when and where?

Ryan:Wed...evening anytime.

Me:how about 7:30am?

Ryan:ok.

I know everyone must be cringing at the sight of 7:30am but yeah..my parents are real strict and that's the only time I go out of my house alone..to cycle..

I was scared and excited at the same time. I didn't know what he'd tell me and I just hoped he wouldn't just stand me up.

But I believed in his goodness and I waited for Wednesday to arrive.