The Mafia Son

part 12

For about a week I didn't leave my room. Sometimes my mom would come in to bring me some food or to try and talk to me, but I didn't eat much of the food and she gave up pretty quickly trying to talk to me when she realized I wasn't listening anyway. I mostly slept all day and sometimes I would walk to my window and look outside. Our house was located on a hill, so when I looked thtough my window I had a nice skyview on the city. At night, when I look at the sky and I see all the stars and the moon out, it reminded me of Luna and I wondered if maybe she was among those stars now. I hope that she is, because she loved to look at all the stars at night. She could stare at the sky for hours on end until she had to go to bed.

I had driven of so far in my thoughts that I got startled when I heard someone knock on my door. I expected it to be my mom again, but when she didn't barge in immediatly after knocking, I realized it wasn't her.

"Uhm yeah, come in." I said. I heard my voice cracking multiple times during the sentence, because I hadn't talked for that long and it sounded horrible.

To my suprise, Angelic came walking through my door.
"Hey little brother," she started. "Haven't seen you downstairs in a while. Thought I'd check up on you."

In response, I let out a somewhat irritated "hmm" but not much more.

I was sitting by the open window, with a ciggaret hanging out of my mouth and my head leaning against the window post. She walked over to me and started brushing her hands through my messy hair.

"Mom said she had tried to talk to you but you wouldn't listen to her." She started and I just rolled my eyes. "She also said, before you stop listening. That you're not eating and that you look like shit. That you are right now almost as bad as papa."

"Well yeah but I don't literally throw people out of my room."

"I know, but what I'm trying to say is that right now, you are just as broken as he is. Just like everyone here, but you got to get on top of that because otherwise it will tear you apart for the rest of your life and I don't want to see you that way. You need to realize that this is not your fault and I know you won't listen to me when I say that becaude everyone told you so and you still think it's all your doing, but I need to try because you couldn't have done anything to stop this Dominic and we all still love you even papa after literally throwing you out of his office." I could hear that she had a hard time finding the right words to say, but the things she said sounded like she meant it.

I put out the butt of my cigarette on the bricks just outside my window and then threw it out. I turned around so I could face her.

"I can't stop thinking it's my fault. I can't forgive myself. I don't know how to." I said with my broken voice.

"But you're willing to try?"
I nodded.

"Then atleast that's a good start." She said as a little smile appeard on her face.

"I don't expect you to come downstairs soon, but just let mom know that you are still in there alright?" She asked.

"Yeah sure."

Angelic grabbed me into a hug.

"I'm happy you're back home again. I missed you." She whispered in my ear before she left.

In the evening my mom came into my room again with food and I apologized to her and I tried to eat some of the food. And I could tell she was relieved. She told me that there would be a funeral tomorrow and that I had to try to get myself to look good for Luna and our family. She said she'd help me if I couldn't take it on my own and that my father was coming aswell.
I told her I'd try my best, but not much more. I wasn't ready to talk about everything with my mom yet. I could tell she was hurting aswell, but she wouldn't show it because she had to take care of us. I didn't talk to her about that even tho I should. I told myself I'd tell Angelic to talk about it with her because I couldn't bring myself to do it. Then she left again and I went to bed again.