𝐌𝐀𝐃𝐄 𝐈𝐍 𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐄 | Mid90s | ꜰᴜᴄᴋꜱʜɪᴛ

𝟏𝟐: 𝐁𝐮𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐥𝐲 𝐄𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭

TWO SONGS!

This song by Finneas (aka Billie Eillish's big bro) captures someone who's "pulled themselves together."

But as you listen to the words a little closer, they're really just trying to convince themselves and others that they don't miss this or that particular thing about that certain person & that they're actually doing fine, but they're not.

I chose the Zendaya only version for this song because it gets to the point quicker lmao.

But, this song represents Fuckshit's decision, which you'll find out as you read.

It's ironic because Fuckshit still believes he's doing the best thing for the relationship by being selfless , hence "taking it all for us", while at the same time being selfish, he doesn't wanna hurt Ashley, BUT he especially doesn't wanna hurt himself (his 2+2 will always equate to 1).

Summer was a temporary lapse of time

Every time he was with her, he was reminded of the lack of control he didn't have over whatever they were, and it made him wonder if he'd just be better off on his own.

He'd never have to worry about doing the wrong thing, feelings changing, or her leaving him for someone else.

The mere fact that he was starting to put someone first before himself scared him, and that day at the beach served as a sort of awakening that he would do anything for her, anything to make her happy and anything to prevent her from getting hurt.

It scared him because he didn't know how far he would go just to keep her beside him.

If he was even enough to make her stay.

About a week after that beach day, Ashley could tell that something had changed. After one of the group's skating sessions, she pulled Fuckshit aside to see what was up. He ignored and dodged her questions, which angered her.

"You really doing this right now?" he complained, combing a hand through his hair clearly getting annoyed and gaining the attention of the others. Ashley scoffed, "You've been avoiding me, so yeah, there's no other choice than right now."

She crossed her arms and stood her ground, not caring about who the fuck was listening, which caused Fuckshit to groan. "I've been avoiding you because I feel trapped!" he exclaimed, which resulted in Ashley uncrossing her arms, clearly taken aback by his reply.

"What?" she whispered in disbelief, taking a step back.

Fuckshit continued. "I ALWAYS worry about saying the wrong thing or just fucking up when I'm with you," he breathed out, walking through and having had enough of the conversation.

"You're supposed to worry about not fucking up..." she quietly called out, which made him turn around to look at her.

His reply was quick, like he had been thinking and preparing it for a while. "I don't need that extra pressure," He expressed, skating away on his skateboard.

Ashley was left speechless, wondering where it had gone wrong.

Ashley spent her days separating herself from everybody, even Estee, just to avoid talking about what happened that day at the skatepark. She wanted to be alone and left forever, not wanting to feel like a burden to anybody and putting extra "pressure" on people that didn't even need it.