Stripped And Tainted | ✓

☾♕Chapter 38: Talk Tainted

Song: Why do you love me? By Charlotte Lawrence🎶

~ I'd rather be a fool than coward ~

Chapter Thirty Eight: Talking and Tainted

"

I think you should leave the pack", those were the first real words Banner told me once e where alone together after the return. All the warriors where welcomed back and I gave a short speech thanking the warriors and announcing the feast later tonight.

"Hi", he said ever so casual as I walk him to our new room since the other one was wrecked and well everything, it was repaired and everything but new starts right.

"Hey", I said and it irked at me how it felt like I was talking to a stranger on the bus instead of my mate someone I was supposed to spend forever with.

"I've been thinking", he said and I let out a nervous chuckle. "That's never good", I said as I sat down by the bed. "I think you should leave Gold Wolf", Banner said. I laughed, a real throw your head back while clutching your stomach, you're killing me Kevin hart laugh.

What the hell does he mean you think 'I should leave the pack' after all we've been through does he really think I'm just going to up and go away.

"I'm serious Noni", Banner said. "So am I, we are mated with a son Banner there's no divorcee for us. What?! Just because of what happened you think you can get rid of me that easily", I said trying to keep my composure but on the surface of it all it hurt that after everything there's still a chance that Banner and I might not be each other's forever.

"I always hurt you", Banner said and I rolled my eyes. This! Again!

"I know that! Suck it up because I have and I'm not going anywhere Banner I still love you", I yelled growing angry now. "You have no reason to love me", he screamed. "But I do", I screamed back. "Why, why do you love me Noni after everything", Banner asked.

"It's because of everything. Banner I was dead and though I hate to admit that took a serious toll on me but it did I'm scared okay I'm scared because I know it will happen again someday but It just frightens the hell out of me that I might have not come back, that I wouldn't get what I got with Odes I'm scared because it would have meant I lost you forever that one day I might lose you forever", I said.

"Noni I...", he tried to get out but I stopped him and let it all out.

"No Banner listen because I don't know where all this courage is coming from to tell you all this but as long as I have it let me just get it all out, you all grieved my death and got beyond it I didn't it still kills me that I died when I was in heat I told you it was more than just not having sex and it is I guess I'm scared to do it again because I'm scared I'll get pregnant again and fall into depression or something and just fade away.

Given all the things I've been through you'd think this would come easy to me but I don't know Banner I just don't know I'm not as strong as I want to be and pretending is getting seriously hard I'm not happy Banner, I love my life with the pack and Odes and you but I'm not happy", I said breaking into tears that my head hurt from how heavy I was crying.

I didn't even realize when Banner got up and crushed my trembling body into him as I held onto his shirt with all my might and cried into his chest while he held me.

"I'm sorry Noni I really am I know you hate apologizes I really need to say this. I didn't mean to lose control and Rhiyan only wanted to help. Sorry I didn't tell you goodbye when I left it's just that I didn't know what to say so run away. I need you Noni and I love you but I can't live with myself if I hurt you because one day I might hurt you and you won't just say it's okay", Banner said.

"Don't worry about that okay let's live in right now", I said.

"We're messed up", Banner said and I nervously chuckled into his chest then looked up the beautiful blues I'd grown all too familiar with forever mine and yet they held a piece of brokenness.

"We might need therapy", I mused. "Can we", Banner asked. "Separately", I told him. "Right it won't be good for our mates monthly article to say we go to couples therapy", I chided. "You read my mind", Banner chuckled. I was about to say something but Odes run in. Naked!

"I'm sorry we were about to take a bath next thing I knew he'd disappeared", Kellen said as she appeared by our door looking exhausted while holding Odes' royal blue towel in her hands. I could already picture her chasing Odes' laughing naked self around the pack house. For a toddler his surprisingly fast.

"It's okay Kellen, I've got it from here", I said as I laughed at Odes who kept joyfully taking laps around our room. I bet he hadn't even noticed his father.

"Oh by the way Banner this is Kellan Odes' nanny", I introduced. "Alpha", Kellan bowed in respect. "I'll call for you if I need anything, go relax a bit you look tired", I said. "Thank you Luna", she said then left. The sound of the door closing brought Odes' attention back to me.

"Mama", Odes said hugging my feet only to be pulled into Banner's arms. "Daddy", he cooed hugging his father. "Hey little warrior", Banner said and Odes shoot him his award winning smile.

We had family time before Banner took a bath because he smelt like rogue and I let Kellen look after Odes as I prepared for the hunt.

I can't wait to go back to just being a Luna being Alpha regeant's stressful as hell but I'd do anything for my pack when the time came.

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Word Count: 1102

Thoughts?... because honestly I don't know how you'd react to this chapter😓

Was is good or the opposite that I don't like to talk about?

I love to read comments and votes just make me happy inside 😇

See yah in the next one ~ Tisha💛