That Little Space Between Never And Ever [completed]

♡ Part 7 ♡

I slowly opened my eyes, but I had no idea where I was. Someone was sitting next to the bed I was lying on. The person turned his head towards me and his eyes sparkled when he saw that I was awake. When I realized who it was, my heart ran a thousand times through my chest from happiness. I wanted to push myself up to sit up, but I sank through my left arm. It hurt so damn much and I couldn't remember what happened. The person jumped up from the chair next to my bed and ran to me. "Hey Olivia, how are you?" He said sweetly and tears welled up in my eyes. On a clock on the bedside table, I saw that it was almost half past twelve in the morning. "I'm so sorry... I never wanted to hurt you... I wasn't- I haven't-" I couldn't get my words out. He interrupted me. ''Shh, calm down, Zak told me everything. Yes, it broke my heart, but I'm more worried about you. How I found you... I'm so glad I listened to Zak and went to see you..." He helped me sit up and I could finally look at my arm that hurt so badly. There was a bandage around it with some dark spots on it. I slowly started to remember some things. I was in a bathroom. I was broken. There was blood, so much blood. I fell and someone shouted my name... "It's with thanks to me that you did that to yourself, right?" The person asked. He pointed to my arm and I saw his eyes get wet. "No, maybe a little bit, I don't know, it's just me in my head..." My arm hurt so much, why did I do this? "Have you... Have you done this before?'' He asked softly. I couldn't look him in the eye when I answered. "Yes, I did..." He gasped and his eyes widened. ''Why? I mean, you have to have your reason, but... You're doing really bad, aren't you?" The anxiety in his voice hit me hard and I was so glad I spoke to him at the time. There was probably no one else I wanted to talk to right now and no one knows I do this to myself sometimes. The first time I did, I was really panicked, I had no idea what to do and how to survive even longer. I felt the pain that I always feel less because of the pain in my body. I can handle that pain better, but I know I have to stop and I really try to do that. "I don't know what I've done... I'm so sorry, so sorry about yesterday, about the meeting, about what I did... I'm so sorry, you deserve so much better, so much better than me and I don't think I can give you what you deserve, Lando.'' I whispered. I looked into his eyes, but I couldn't see everything clearly because of the tears that welled up in my eyes. He came closer to me and sat on the edge of the bed, I moved a bit to the side so that he had more space. ''Please, Olivia, don't say things like that, we had some trouble, but I'd fight for it if I have to. I want to be there for you and I will be if you give me the chance." I wanted to interrupt, but he raised his hand to shut me up. "You're not the kind of person who readily asked for help, I guess. Don't say this about yourself, you're... You're a great person and I don't deserve you. Please let me try to help you..." A tear fell down my cheek, nobody ever said anything like that to me. The fact that he does and that he realizes how I am and how things work for me... It touched me so much, in a positive way. Lando came closer to me, spread his arms and looked at me questioning, as if he was asking for permission. When I nodded and weakly smiled at him, he gently wrapped his arms around me and hugged me. I put my arms around his neck and he pulled me closer. It felt safe in his arms and I wanted this to never end. That surprised me a little, because I normally hate body contact and everything related to it. For example, in these 21 years I have never had a boyfriend and I have not even had my first kiss. The former is not only because of my little need for body contact. I pressed my face against his neck and he stroked my hair slowly and gently. My tears dropped to his skin, but he didn't seem to care. He was just there for me, as he told me. After a while he gently put me on the pillows. He lay down next to me but kept space between us and didn't use the duvet cover which I really appreciated. It would be too fast for me to sleep in the same bed together and he probably figured it out. Yet it also bounced my heart in my chest that he stayed with me and didn't want to leave me alone now. He pulled a blanket over him and whispered goodnight to me. I wished him a good night too and fell asleep faster than ever. It just felt safe knowing he was next to me.