That Little Space Between Never And Ever [completed]

♡ Part 12 ♡

"Tell me all about that cute Belgian guy you met!" Chloe yelled when I answered the call. I lay on my stomach on one of the beds in the guest bedroom in my grandparents' house. I had to laugh because she had no idea who I had met. I messaged her a minute ago. She wanted me to go after the cute Belgian guys, so I told her I had met someone. "Uhm, well, it's a little different than you probably expect..." I said and I felt for some reason a little nervous. "Just tell me, who is it? I want to know everything, every little detail!'' She still sounded very excited and curious. "His name is..." I waited extra long to say his name, just to drive Chloe crazy. "Lando Norris." Chloe immediately started screaming and I had to keep my phone a little away from my ear to avoid going deaf. "No way! You're serious about contacting him again?! I really don't understand you. How can you be like that, so... Stupid?" Wow, I did not expect such a strong reaction. "You wanted to forget him, didn't you? You never wanted to see him again and he broke you, right? Then why do you contact him again?""Chloe, take it easy. Yeah, everything you said is true, but he's sorry and he said he really missed me. Maybe I should give him a second chance? I couldn't get him out of my head. do you really think that means nothing?" I tried to calm her down and, frankly, a little bit myself too. She sighed. "Maybe you're right... Be careful, okay, please? He's still a boy and you hate boys. This isn't fair, I'm the one who has to run after all those crazy guys, not you!" I laughed, this was so true. "I'm not running after him! I told him I wanted to take it slow and he agreed, so yeah." Then I heard a voice behind me. "You're not running after whom?" He asked. I turned on the bed to see who it was. "Luc!" I called and I jumped up from the bed. "I have to go, Chloe. I'll call you later!" I hung up and walked over to Luc. We hugged each other. "So good to see you!" He said. "That is mutual." Luc is my cousin, he is two years younger than me and we have always had a great bond. We don't see each other often, because they live in Belgium and we live in the Netherlands, but it is always nice when we are together. "Tell me everything Livia, there is a boy?" The nickname Livia is from when we were young. He had trouble pronouncing the O, so he called me Livia. Since then he has always called me that and now it's kind of became a nickname. "It's not that important, not much has happened between us." I said, trying to finish the topic. "But there is a boy." He replied with emphasis on 'is'. I shook my head and felt my cheek turn red. "Oh girl, you like that boy!" He started talking louder. "No I don't, and shut up, not everyone need to hear all the stupid things you think!" I said. Together we walked out of the room so I could greet my aunt, uncle and the two little girls too. "Livia is in love, Livia is in love!" Luc sang as we went downstairs. I pushed him against the wall. "You're really annoying! And it's not even true." We entered the living room and my aunt walked right up to us. "Hi honey, what did I just hear?" She winked at me and hugged me. "Ah, please all shut up." I said, laughing. "I'm not in love with anyone." At that point, my grandmother also joined us. ''Is it that gentleman? He looked so sweet.'' This conversation was really going in the wrong direction. "Mommy, what's being in love?" Emma asked and Sophie stood behind her. They were my two cute nieces, five-year-old twins. "You are in love with someone if you really like that person. You usually think that that person is really cute and nice and you think about that person a lot.'' Carla, my aunt, explained to the two girls. "So you think that person is cute?" Sophie looked at me with such interest. "You're in love?" Emma sounded very confused. "Come here!" I said, lifting them both onto one arm. "Yes, I am in love, but not with that boy. I am in love with you two!" I kissed them both on the cheek and they hugged me. I put them down again and then my uncle came into the living room too, along with my mom and Charlie. "What have I missed?" He asked and gave me a hug. "Nothing." I wanted to answer, but I wasn't fast enough. "We think Olivia is in love with someone." Clara said and my uncle put his arms around her. "That sounds very interesting.""Liam please..." I said, and my cheeks were probably very red. "Wait." Said my grandmother. ''What was his name? He told me... It was, um, it was..." I really hoped she wouldn't remember, but of course she did. "Lando Norris!" All eyes were on me again. If I could I would run away, but of course I couldn't."Wait, 'the' Lando Norris?" Liam."Are you serious?" Carla."Can you fix a meet and greet?" Luc, grinning."Who is Lando Norris?" Emma."Are you in love with him?" Sophie."Can you all please shut up? Let's change the subject." I tried, but I knew it wouldn't work. They were too curious and that wasn't so strange. I looked at my feet, I had no idea how to stand and I was really embarrassed. "Tell us everything!" Liam said. He is also a fan of Formula 1 and to make matters worse... He is a fan of Lando Norris. I decided to tell them the story, but the short version. "Well, Charlie and I went to the Belgium race weekend, as you know. I met him Friday night and we spent the evening together. Saturday night something happened... We haven't had contact the last 4 months. This morning Charlie and I went to the supermarket and he was there too. We talked and he gave me a ride home. Maybe we'll meet again, but probably not. I don't really feel like that. So that's it." They all stared at me and there was a moment of silence, then Emma broke the silence. "Are you in love with him too, Daddy?" We all started laughing and she had no idea what she was saying wrong. "No, my girl, I am not in love with him, I support him." Her father replied. "So you really like him and you support him, but you're not in love with him?" Her confused look was pretty cute. "Yes, that's true." Fortunately, I was saved by my mother before everyone could ask questions or comment on the things I had just told them. "What are we going to do?" She asked, no one specifically. "We can get some ice creams!" Sophie yelled. It was quite cold outside, but the sun was shining and our family was addicted to ice cream. "That's a good idea," I said. "I'll buy." I ran upstairs to get my debit card and we left the house when we were all done. There was a snack bar where you can also get Italian ice cream, close to the house, so we went on foot. I took Sophie's hand and Luc walked next to me. It felt good to be with my family and meeting Lando had cheered me up. Yet there was still that bad feeling inside. I tried to hide it deep within myself, but it was too strong to ignore it. I was bad, as always, and I probably always will. All the meetings with my psychologist didn't really work and that realization hit me hard. I fought the tears that welled up in my eyes. Always pretending that everything is okay is so exhausting. People know I'm not doing great, but I never talk about it. It's like everyone really believes that I'm fine. Like I have no trouble with everything I have to do, with every word I have to say, with every person I have to meet, with... With everything. I've gotten so good at pretending I'm fine. Lando is the only one who could see through that. He's also the only one I've ever shown that real me to. I felt safe with him, like he would accept me just the way I am. Just like how bad I am. He makes me feel like I don't have to pretend I'm doing better than I really am or that I have to be a better person than I really am. He makes me feel like it's good enough to be the best version of myself. But I'm still a piece of shit, even the best version of myself is a piece of shit. Would I ever really be okay again without pretending to be okay? Maybe I would never get better...