That Little Space Between Never And Ever [completed]

♡ Part 21 ♡

I'm honestly embarrassed... I let you guys wait 10 months to finally get the last chapter of this story. Hopefully you guys can forgive me and will enjoy reading the final one. Never forget, I love you guys! Xx
P.S. my other story; Anonymous secrets, also got updated so now both my stories got their last chapter and are officially finished!

~• 2 years later •~

   Never before have I seen so much chaos around a car, simply because of one person inside of it. Left, right, in front and behind us are people, pushing to come as close to Lando as possible. He takes some pens of the fans closest to him to sign caps, shirts and everything else he gets pressed into his hands, and takes some selfies too, before pulling off the car. The fans slowly back off to make room for us to exit the paddock of circuit Zandvoort.
   I'm safely sitting in the back seat of the Volvo, and to be honest I love this spot. Those fans are going crazy, just for a picture or signature, and it was so busy and crowded. They haven't even noticed me as all eyes are on Lando of course, and I feel so much less overwhelmed then I expected myself to be.
   Without thinking about it I rub my hands over the texture of the scars on my bare arms.
   Lando turns around in his seat and pins his eyes in mine. "Are you okay?"
   "I am." I answer without lying.
   He looks down at the movement of my hands and reaches towards mine. When he places his hand over mine, it's only that I realize that I'm rubbing my scars again. His touch stops my hands from moving and instead I squeeze his.
   ''Are you nervous?'' Lando asks and he sounds concerned.
   I take a moment before answering, as I honestly don't really know the answer right away.
   Nervous? No. Excited? Yes.
   ''I expected myself to get totally overwhelmed by all those fans around the car,'' I start telling him while he continues driving back to the hotel. ''but I didn't at all. Instead I liked seeing those people and felt them. I used to be one of those fans, you know, and if I had been in a better place mentally I also would have spent hours at the fences waiting for my favorite drivers to come by. They didn't make me nervous, they made me appreciate the life I have right now and they made me even more excited about the upcoming few days. I am finally going to spend my first weekend in the paddock with you!''
   ''You know that I love you, right?'' Lando says and looks at me via the rear view mirror.
   A smile breaks through on my face and I lock my eyes in his. ''I do, hopefully you know the same thing.''
   I lean against the car window and look down at my own arms. With all the scars running over them as white stripes it looks like I fought with a lion or something. It somehow feels like that too, but then the lion isn't some wild animal but my own demons.
   "And you don't have to call them scars, but maybe something like strength marks? Battle scars? Winner stripes?" I remember Lando saying to me at that New Year's party in Monaco two years ago when I first got to meet his friends. We then agreed on Winner Stripes and we still use that term. With a smile on my face I realize how far I have come.
   It's crazy how much has changed in two years. Not only did we grow in our, from then on, relationship and Lando in his career, we also both really grew as a person. Mental problems don't disappear overnight, in a week, in a month or even in a year, but with hard work and the right help you can book progress and get better step by step.
   Overthinking is still something I'm really good at, but I learnt how to calm myself down and stop from getting crazy over too little things.
   I would never intentionally try to get into the spotlight, but I'm done hiding myself, the real me, and just me in general.
   Other people's opinions can still affect me as it makes me insecure if people dislike me, but I focus more on whether I like them or not than on if they like me or not. I can't change someone else's opinions or point of view but I can change mine. I can't teach them to like me, but I can learn to love myself and that's exactly what I did.
   I fell in love with the color of my eyes, I fell in love with the way my hair falls over my shoulders, I fell in with with my length and the way my body is build, I fell in love with the way I think and the things I say, I fell in love with how I treat others and how I would never let them down. But above all I fell in love with realizing that I am someone too so should care for me too and shouldn't let myself down either.
   Lando really helped me throughout this journey and I don't think I could have done it without him. Same story with the amazing therapist I worked with and came in contact with through the mental health charity Mind. They both keep telling me that it wasn't them that made me do better, but that it was all me. I just needed a hand to hold.