Jennie Kim Is Not Gay || jenlisa

Chapter Six

The train is almost empty and with some wandering, Jennie and Lisa manage to find a carriage in which they are the only people. Jennie takes the opportunity to spread herself out over three seats and Lisa cannot help but roll her eyes at her.

Lisa takes a deep breath. There's something she's been wanting to say to Jennie for a while now but she's never really known when and so she decides she might as well go for it now, while she has the chance.

"Thanks,"-Lisa says quietly.

Unluckily for her her voice is so small and the train is making a racket as it passes through the tunnel and so Jennie turns to look at her in confusion.

"Sorry,"-Jennie replies, "can you repeat that?"

"Thanks,"-Lisa repeats, louder this time, "you know for being so chill about me asking you out."

"Like I said, it's a free world; people should be able to ask out who they want."

"I know,"-Lisa replies, "but not everybody thinks like that."

"What do you mean?"

Lisa sighs because she really does not want to tell Jennie about this, it's embarrassing and stupid and if Lisa could ever conjure up a reason for Jennie to stop being friends with her, it would be this.

"Let's just say I've had some negative experiences asking out girls in the past."

"You mean I wasn't the first?" Jennie says in mock hurt.

Lisa lets out a light laugh but it sounds forced and like her throat is desperately trying to get rid of it. Lisa grimaces before looking up at Jennie with a sad smile.

"You were the second,"-Lisa replies, "and the only one who wasn't a bitch."

"I know," Jennie says and this time she is the one who speaks so quietly Lisa cannot be sure that she heard her properly.

"Sorry, what did you just say?"

"I know," Jennie repeats, "I know what happened with you and Nancy, I've seen the video."

Lisa swears to god that the carriage suddenly gets smaller and it's like the walls are pressing in on her and she can't breathe properly... the air just won't cooperate with her lungs. She's trying, but it's like she's underwater and someone is holding her under the surface no matter how hard she swims. Her vision feels cloudy and all Lisa can think about is the fact that Jennie knows, that someone knows. Lisa had hoped that moving schools would effectively eradicate her past but if Jennie knows then who else at the school knows, how long is it till it all starts again, all the teasing and the pushing and the cruel jokes. And Lisa feels like she's falling from a great height and there's nothing she can do to stop the impact because Lisa isn't sure she can live through it all again, not after the last time.

The carriage is blurry and Lisa can feel her cheeks starting to dampen. She furiously tries to wipe away the tears from her cheeks but it's no use, they're falling thick and fast and nothing Lisa does can stop the flow.

She stands up, and she doesn't know why, but it feels like the right thing to do because Lisa wants to run, far away from everything. Jennie, Nancy, the video. She just wants to run until her lungs hurt and she's not thinking anymore. Lisa can't help but laugh at how ironic that is, because she hates sports.

Lisa's breaths are ragged and it takes a few moments for her to notice that Jennie has placed a gentle hand on her arm and is trying to tug her back onto her seat.

"Breathe," Jennie murmurs over and over, "it's all going to be okay."

It's hard for Lisa to believe what she's saying but she focuses on the rhythm of Jennie's voice and allows it to soothe her breathing. It's strange, it's as if Jennie's voice can take Lisa to a place where she feels safer, there's something about her voice that almost makes Lisa forget about everything else.