✔ DRUNK words, SOBER thoughts ✖ hemmings au

39: Missing

ARI.

I know he's not dead.

And it's that imperative piece of information that helps me sleep at night - though it's not an easy slumber. It's sleep plagued with life-like nightmares, waking up in cold sweat, and screaming at the top of my lungs till someone barges into my room to wake me up from the Hell that was my own mind. I'd sit on my bed, shivering in my sweat-drenched shirt while crying profusely into the caring embrace of either Ashton or Calum. After thirty minutes of torture, I'd convince myself that I was okay. The door would close shut, I'd lie back into my pillows and welcome the darkness of my room like an old friend.

Before I'd try to fall back asleep however, I would turn to my side to face the bedside table and grab the charging cellular device. Tapping through my phone, I'd stare at the only text message that ever mattered to me. An untraceable, blocked number, dated exactly ten days ago, almost to the hour, was a simple clue that gave me faith-- but there was no denying that my faith was quickly running out.

From: BLOCKED - Tues, Dec. 9 - 3:26AM
I'm OK. Don't look for me. Don't tell my mum. Promise me. I adore you, baby girl. Hope you can forgive me. xx

That's all I had. That's all the physical evidence I had to ease my mind; to keep the hope alive that Luke was okay. But with no other text since the first one, I wasn't 100% sure that he truly was alright. It scared me, consumed me, ate me alive till my mind was immersed in Luke's safety and whereabouts. Where the hell was he? Where was he sleeping? Was he eating? I know Luke wanted me to keep his text a secret, but as each day passed, I grew more worried about him. It took every ounce of me not to fumble, not to succumb into the guilt of lying to Mrs. Hemmings about hearing from her son.

Every day she'd ask, and every day I'd lie to her face.

"You'd let me know if you hear from him, right Ari?" This was less of a question and more like a plea coming from Mrs. Hemmings.

She gazed down at me with bags under her blood shot eyes. I could tell she's been having sleepless nights, crying to herself in an empty house-- probably passing by Luke's room with the urge to say goodnight, but breaking down in remembrance that her blue-eyed son was not inside.

"Of course. I'll let you know first thing if Luke comes in contact with me," I decided that it was much easier to lie to Mrs. Hemmings if I looked a little passed her head, instead of directly into the pair of eyes like were identical to the boy I adored and missed so much.

"Thank you sweetheart," she pulled me into a hug, giving my back a light rub. Her hug was encompassed with so much love and care that it was definitely an embrace meant for Luke. It made my stomach hurt knowing that she was dying inside.

"I'll drop by your house during winter break so you're not alone," I told her as we separated from the hug. "But I pray everyday that Luke will be home by Christmas next week."

"Me too," Mrs. Hemmings nodded her head, "me too."

I gave her one last reassuring hug before bidding her a goodbye. I strolled through her empty classroom and out the door, where excited cheers echoed through out the corridors. Midterm exams were officially over and winter break had finally commenced. My classmates ran through the halls, jumped for joy, and broadcasted their happiness of the long awaited break.

To say I was jealous of their worry-free expression would be an understatement. I yearned it; like ice-cold water to ebb a dry, scratchy throat. I wished I could enjoy the holiday season like the rest of the school, but I couldn't. My heart, mind, and soul wouldn't let me enjoy the simple pleasures of Christmas break-- not when my mom was still in the hospital, and my best friend was somewhere out in the world hiding from the world.