Definition [ot4]

thirteen

((This is called polite porn creds to Sophie for that bye

-Mel))

Calum remembers being in love with Ashton.

He remembers how, when they'd met, Ashton had been older and automatically cooler and more mature. And he'd had a car.

He remembers texting Ashton during math class, keeping his phone in his pencil bag and anxiously awaiting Ashton's answer. He remembers how he'd got into Ashton's car three hours before school was meant to be over and how they'd driven out to the middle if nowhere. It had only been about three miles from Calum's house, but in the heat of the moment, the secluded strech of road had felt like a deserted world.

He'd turned to Ashton, reaching up to flick the dark fringe from his eyes, and smiled at Ashton, glancing down to hide his blush. Ashton had been small back then, short and thin with huge sweaters covering up his wrists and knuckles.

"Tough day?" Ashton had asked, picking at the hem of his jeans. Calum realizes, looking back, that they'd just pulled over to the side of the road. Anyone could have driven past and seen them, anyone could have caught them.

Calum remembers that he hadn't answered, really. He'd reached over and pulled the bar under Ashton's chair, making him slide all the way back with a short gasp. His legs couldn't reach the steering wheel and his mouth had dropped open in surprise. There'd been a meter long gap between Ashton's chest and the steering wheel, one that's Calum had crawled into quickly, filing up the empty space and Ashton's lap like he'd done it a million times. He probably had, too.

Ashton had smiled once Calum was sitting on top of him, the corners of his full pink lips tilting up and his hands instantly resting on Calum's waist. Calum remembers how he'd pressed kisses to Ashton's lips as softly as possible, then harder and harder until the car was suffocatingly hot and Ashton was gasping breathlessly into his mouth.

He remembers how he'd grabbed Ashton's jaw and kissed down his neck and how Ashton's fingers had tightened around his waist until they left soft purple and green bruises that Michael and Luke would tease him about, asking which girl it was this time. Ashton would always smile when they teased Calum about hickeys and bruises, because only he knew where they were really from.

Ashton had pulled him away from his neck then and pushed their lips together, allowing Calum's free hand into his burned, split, straightened hair. He'd started moving his hips slightly, waiting for any type of reaction from the sixteen year old above him, then groaned loudly when Calum started grinding down against him.

Calum remembers how they'd kissed and moved together, whining and panting at the friction in their jeans, for a few minutes before Ashton turned his head. Calum's lips had dragged a crossed his cheeks at the action and started to suck a mark next to Ashton's ear instead, just needing his lips on the boy at all times.

Ashton had cried out, scrunching his nose and thrusting his hips up even more. "Baby boy, you're going to have to stop," he'd said quietly.

"Want you to come," Calum had whispered back, slipping his hand down to Ashton's neck and holding it tightly. Both their cheeks had flushed at the statement, like Calum was speaking vulgar, explicit words. Ashton had moaned again, then pushed his his harder against Calum, thrusting up against his tight blue jeans and whispering his name brokenly.

They'd both been teenage boys, horny and desperate, and had come apart in their jeans just seconds later.

Calum remembers Ashton's face clearly, even three years later. His cheeks were flushed with blotchy bright pink, while his eyes were squeezed shut tightly. His nose was scrunched and his top teeth were bared like he was in pain, but Calum remembers feeling nothing but pleasure and Ashton.

He remembers how they'd sat there, with Ashton's hands sliding up the hem of his shirt to touch his bare torso and Calum's head resting on his shoulder. He remembers both of them resting their eyes and layering kisses on each other's body parts, wherever they could reach.

Calum remembers how, after that time, Ashton started pulling away and requesting more space. He remembers how Ashton didn't like to be touched very often, and how they'd all just decided to go with it instead of pestering him about it. He remembers how, even before that, Calum always had to initiate kisses or touches or anything, and how Ashton had just gone along with it.

Calum realizes, tucked in his bed and waiting for Ashton to come back from the gym, that Ashton was starting to realize his sexuality. He was starting to realize that it was always Calum that started everything and Calumwho wanted to do things.

Calum's not sure if that counts as rape or not. Ashton had enjoyed it, he just never asked for it. He'd never said no or asked Calum to stop, but he never said yes either.

Calum can't help but feel guilty for his reminiscint thoughts when Ashton gets back.

"Hey," Ashton says when he walks in. There's a towel wrapped around his neck and sweat glistening on his biceps and shoulders and jaw. Ashton goes straight to his suitcase and starts digging around for some fresh clothes while Calum sits up with the heavy white duvet still wrapped around his body.

"Hey, can we talk?" Calum asks quietly. Ashton frowns at his stash of socks (hidden way at the bottom so Luke won't steal them) and starts to skake his head. "Its not about last night." Calum adds quickly.

Ashton glances up then, looking over Calum curiously. "I was about to shower," he replies. "But if you can deal with the smell of sweat while you talk, sure."

Calum nods. Ashton doesn't smell that bad. "I didn't, like," he pauses and flicks his tongue over his lips quickly, wetting them so they won't crack when he speaks. "I didn't force you into anything, did I? Like, when we were younger? I didn't make you do anything you didn't want to, right?"

Ashton's face goes from confused to worried to sympathetic in a few seconds. "No," he says quickly. "No, Cal, don't worry, alright? Everything we did was cool with me. You had my consent with everything, okay?"

Calum nods slowly, still slightly unsure. He's had sex with an asexual. Even if it was supposedly with consent, there's no way for him go confirm that every single time Ashton wanted it.

Ashton sighs. "I promise, Calum, I would have told you to stop if I was uncomfortable," he holds his hand out then, stretching it towards where Calum's still on the bed. "Still up for that shower, princess?"

Calum flushes pink and nods.

(Ashton washes his hair again in the shower, kissing Calum's throat when his head tilts back, and says, "Thank you for last night. Thank you for holding me. Thank you for not touching me. Just, thank you baby boy." Calum kisses his forehead and mumbles an unheard response.)

((THIS WAS REALLY SHORT BUT I FORGOT TO MENTION IT IN PREVIOUS CHAPTERS OHGOD

Also hi Jalyn

-Mel))