Healing

12.

As soon as I got home later that night, I launch myself my onto bed and bury my face in my pillow.

Their was absolutely no way this was happening.

I liked him. I liked Omar Malik. Aka the person that I work for. Aka my boss. Aka the guy that's 3 years older than me and happens to know how to dress, is a hafiz, an Alim, and also happens to be the most attractive male that I knew.

I groan.

Successfully, for the past 19 years of my existence I had managed to escape the feelings of love that I had seen plague the minds of my friends and here I was seriously thinking about a man.

What do I do. I don't wan't anything haram to happen.

Do I tell him I like him? But what if he doesn't like me back? That would be so embarrassing.

But I would never know unless I tried.

Maybe I should talk to someone who has a bit more experienced than me?

I pick up my phone and instinctively call Razan. She had been the key matchmaker in her brothers marriage so had to have some kind of knowledge.

"Assalamu Alaikum girl. What's up?"

"Walaikum Assalam. Um, I need a little bit of advise," I say cautiously.

"On?"

"On...um, well," I sputter random words out. Why was I always so nervous?

"Whatever it is, I promise I won't judge if that's what your scared about. And I'll give you the best advice that I possibly can."

"It's not that. I'm just a little scared to say it aloud I guess," I say more to myself rather than to her.

Their was a pause on the other end of the line.

"Razan? You their?"

"Cyra if it was meant to be, it'll happen in a halal way."

I stare at my ceiling for a moment before I yell into the phone. "How did you know?"

"Bestie, your parents are asleep," she reminds me as she laughs. "I just had a hunch."

"I just don't know what to do. Should I trust myself around him to not do anything haram?"

"Staying away from him is better than having something haram happen."

"So would it be better to quit the job?" I say frantically.

"I never said that."

"But that's what your implying, isn't it? Plus Islam is all about crossing out problems at the root. That's why we're not allowed to even simply shake the hand of a non-mehram. So me talking to him while having feelings for him would be slightly problematic would it not?"

"Allah has already decided your naseeb. When the time comes your naseeb will find you, I promise."

This girl-

"Razan, please stop speaking in a cryptic language. I need a serious answer."

"I thought you didn't like him through your vehement denial last Sunday." I could practically see her grinning on the other side of the phone.

"Ok, so maybe I had unconsciously been denying that I liked him. But its only a teeny tiny bit."

"You wouldn't go this far for something you didn't truly want Cyra," she rejects.

I sigh, knowing she wasn't going to let the topic go. "Ok, so maybe I do like him. A lot."

My stomach lurches as I admit it aloud for the first time. To think about it in my head and hear myself saying it and believe it at the same time were two totally different things. It sort of made the feelings real in a sense, as if I was confirming a fact.

"How does it feel to admit it aloud for the first time," she inquires.

"I don't know. Slight nerve-racking maybe? All these emotions are endlessly filled with a void of 'maybes' and I don't like it," I say into the phone.

"Tell me about it. It does get better though, you just need to straighten your feelings out with yourself. It makes everything a lot clearer."

"Did it help your brother?"

"Yup. Lots of alone time and thinking. He sort of set everything straight with her and of course her dad was there."

"What happened?"

"He got out of their in all of 5 minutes," she laughs. "Trust me, you'll know if he's the one right on the spot. When you go a while without seeing them, your true feelings will sort of seem really heightened when you finally do."

I was fully submerged into her story. I admired how she had tried her best to have her brother go about it in halal way, even if he wasn't that on board at first. It was truly a blessing to have Allah send her to me as a close friend. "So, how did he ask?"

"It was surreal, how it happened. I guess he had felt 'a pull' or at least that's how he explained it. Two days later he showed up to her house and asked her father for her hand."

"That's so cute," I gush.

"I know. He looked like he was really nervous, but he did his best. And then they went on 3 'halal dates' I guess you could call them just so they could get to know each other better since their only exposure to each other before that was through school projects. Her dad was their the first time and then her brother was present for the other two."

"The nikkah must have been the prettiest," I say as I think about what it probably looked like.

"I'll send you some pictures and videos later. But let's turn back to the the male that you called me about."

"Is it okay that I don't feel the need to squeal over him yet?"

"Oh of course not. Everyone has a different reaction to their emotions."

"Mhm," I say as I think about everything she's told me.

"Ever since that night at the Masjid, I knew. I think we all did."

"How?" I was curious as to why everyone had been aware of my feelings before I was even introduced to them.

"You look at him as if you're watching the clouds." She says matter-of-factly.

"You're speaking cryptic again Razan. What's your point?"

"You love storms."

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word count: 1,038

Date Posted: 02/16/2022