Unchained Melody

CH:18- Is it Indifference or Facade?

Haseena had a restless night after her encounter with Karishma earlier in the evening. She wanted to close her eyes and forget everything but she shouldn't. She was unintentionally tracing the back of her neck where Karishma had kissed her. "You are making it difficult for me, Miss Singh! Very difficult," She mumbled under her breath as she made an effort to drift away from her worries.

On the other hand, Karishma couldn't believe that she actually felt Haseena up so close. She touched her lips, just to relieve the sensation once again. "You are making it difficult for me, Haseean! Very difficult," Karishma said as she opened the journal.

Dear friend!

It's the night before thanksgiving. I have to do a lot tomorrow. I'll try to keep it short, I promise.

Where to begin! Okay! So, we had less work today in the office, fewer follow-ups and I was trying to make a list of all upcoming court dates for Miss Singh when she requested me to bring Mishu here. Believe me, I groaned internally. Why can't this woman leave us alone? She was making efforts to connect with Mishu. But I don't want her to. She is willing to go an extra mile for Mishu and I didn't like that. Blame me all you want, I don't care. I haven't met people in my life who don't need anything in exchange, so how can I put my trust in her just like that. Sometimes, I feel, Mishu is just an excuse for her to get to me because of my loud mouth—I may be wrong but that's how it is. She was persistent in bringing Mishu to the office and she was presenting her arguments very clearly but you know, it's me, and I really don't want to give in to her demands. So, I continued to refuse it and I promise myself not to take Mishu to her office.  

So, we started talking about Mishu but the conversation ended up with my opinion about her. Why in the world, does she cares about my opinion? Why? She gives me a hell of a time in the office and acts as, misses two goody shoes with everyone else. However, do you know, she thinks I dislike her or hate her but I don't. I really don't and that's what I told her. It's true that she pisses me off sometimes, it's true she gets on my nerves, it's true I feel like throwing things at her or sometimes just yell at her but I don't hate her. I'll never. There is no reason. And, when I told her that I don't feel anything for her, I felt a break in her voice, a tremor, and that very moment I cursed at myself. Why do I have to be so impolite with her? Sometimes I really act like a jerk. Argh! I looked at her, she was taking slow steps, she looked tired and pale. And, this all happened just because of my answers. I can't tell you enough, I was upset for upsetting her and it was upsetting me, and this behavior of mine was making me more upset. Can someone please, help me with these dilemmas?

I was concerned for her, really concerned and when I looked into her eyes, I felt my heart break into thousands of pieces. Her one look, just that one look which was full of yearning, caused me a thousand deaths at that moment. Her eyes were inflicting so much pain that I felt like reprimanding myself over and over again. She didn't say anything, no complaints, no words of repercussion, just this dismaying look in her eyes that my words have caused. Her condition at that moment made me rethink and I keep on asking this question to myself, "Do I affect her so much? Why does my opinion matter to her? Why? Is she fa....?" No, No, No...It's a big no. What was I thinking?

Karishma Sighed! "You could see through me Haseena and you did. I can't tell you how happy I am that my pain has caused you pain but you are really good at maintaining indifference," She mumbled as a peaceful smile appeared on her face.

When I came home, I wasn't at peace. I really wanted to see if she is doing fine. Pushpa Ji has told me that she spends a lot of time in her study after coming from work. So, I just thought, let's see, if I can find her there today and I did. She was sitting on her recliner and was looking at us outside. Then, I found her staring at me when I was laughing because Pushpa Ji had cracked a joke and I couldn't help myself. She was smiling while looking at me as I laughed. I saw her smile disappear as I stopped laughing. Why is she like that? On the one hand, she doesn't leave any chance to embarrass me and on the other hand, she finds happiness in the smallest things related to me. I don't know how to describe what is this between us but it is very unnerving, complex yet somewhat delightful. From all the happenings of today, there is one thing I was able to realize she affects me as much as I affect her. Why is it like that? Or, Was it supposed to be like that? I don't know. My brain hurts when I think about these things.